A December of Sorrow, A Year of Remembering

Posted on December 17, 2012

Is it me or does December 2012 seem like a morose one for the record books? I mean, here we wait all year long for this one month when we can create a little colorful, non-Halloween chocolate, non-Easter chocolate magic for the children in the family and buy up a few Blu-Rays at ridiculously low prices to add to our collection, then…this happens. Between the school shootings, the shootings at malls, the death of a close friend’s father three days ago and (as of this morning) another friend’s mother coming home today where she isn’t expected to last more than a few days, it’s just depressing. December isn’t supposed to be like this. Where’s the ‘feel good’? Where’s the festive? Where’s the ‘things will turn out alright’ that we’ve come to expect during holiday films? So I thought maybe I’d take a brief look back at 2012 and see what good, if anything, happened.
For starters and much to the chagrin of Patti Logan, I’m still alive. I survived colds, allergy attacks, a sore back, a possible hernia, lack of rest, lack of sleep, come proximity to the Hong Kong Grandmother, my own cooking, heat sickness and a plethora of assorted mosquito bites. And in order to increase my chances of survival in order to assist with my father, I resigned from my job in June, which increased the chances of keeping my mother’s sanity intact. And Dad? We haven’t spent this much time together since I was still in high school all those deca…since five or six years ago. So, the health of the family is good and that’s positive.

What else? After seventeen years of risking pregnancy, wondering if my guy’s eye would be caught by someone older or who made more money thereby risking me cutting his manhood off with a dull eating instrument or kitchen utensil, and sneaking around behind our parents backs, Ralph made an honest man out of me and accepted my hand as his lawfully wedded husband. Naturally, this was nearly on its way to be taken away 8 1/2 months later when Romney ran for president. But we did it. We still haven’t decided on the honeymoon destination yet, but we’re hitched. I go to sleep each and every night knowing that I married the man I love and it’s an experience nobody can take away from me.

The writing has been incredibly slow this year, only a trip to Atlanta for OutlantaCon gave me a much-needed kick in the ass. The result is the sixty-four page Spacehunters: Master Elite and the Maternal Order of Loganites Beyond Uranus where I pay tribute to that mean, nasty, nightmare author who’s joked about me passing away in a violent, unpleasant way; Patti Logan. It’s my understanding that she’ll be traveling to Atlanta in 2013 for the book launch with myself and the other authors. If anybody else wants to be on-hand for it, that would be awesome! Who can say ‘no’ to a crowd at a book launch? I’ll also get to reveal then who I dedicated the story to, which is always a favorite perk for releasing something new.

So that’s health, family, marriage, the Hong Kong Grandmother, Logan, Spacehunters, writing, and travel. Oh, I did have one other unexpected good thing happen. I wrote a letter to two former friends at the beginning of the year trying to open a dialogue or at least find some closure. Both letters went unanswered. There was a third friend, though, who I didn’t approach then, but who I wrote a couple of weeks ago and did hear back from. We were able to come to terms with things and part in a much better way. I sincerely doubt we’ll ever talk again, but if we do, I know there won’t be any malice or misunderstandings.

2012? Not horrible and yet not an auspicious ending. I cannot imagine those poor families and children whose lives were shortened. I can’t imagine a child who will never grow up, never have a first crush, never fall in love, never discover themselves, and so many other experiences now denied them. And my friend whose father passed away? It’s been a long time coming and he’s been the primary caregiver despite having siblings, yet I don’t envy him. His mother has been gone since he was a teenager and now he’s lost his father. He and I were born two days apart, and I cannot imagine both my parents no longer here. While I can’t do much for the children in Connecticut, I can try to be a good friend to him during this time and perhaps give him a little comfort. The same goes for my friend who is on the cusp of losing her mother.

December has traditionally been met with optimism. It’s about being on the verge of new, hopeful beginnings. Unfortunately, what we leave behind for these beginnings to take place doesn’t always seem worth the price we pay. What about you? What were some of your high points this year and what are you doing to raise the spirits of those around you this holiday?

________________________
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.

5 Responses to “A December of Sorrow, A Year of Remembering”

Dorien says:
December 17, 2012 at 10:02 am
Sorry for your friends’ losses, Kris, as I am for the people in Sandy Hook and everywhere across the globe who suffered great loss.

Yet it is to humanity’s everlasting credit that in the darkest of days, we continue to look for the light.

May 2013 be everything you want it to be.

R

Reply
Kris says:
December 17, 2012 at 6:49 pm
And may we get all that we need.

Reply
Patricia Logan says:
December 17, 2012 at 11:23 am
Wait. Wait, my sweet. You started the most incredible book project you’ve ever done, this year… face of gay… Without knowing, and really trying, you’ve brought to life this incredible ongoing column of people who want and need to tell their stories. You have that… and then, of course, you have me 🙂

Reply
Kris says:
December 17, 2012 at 6:52 pm
Life would be so much duller without you, Patti. I mean that in sweet sincerity. I’m going to try to keep FoG alive next year, but perhaps every other week. I think a post each week is burning people out a little. We’ll see. If it’s going to keep going, I’ll need to ask if folks know anybody who’s not reading them who should, then see if they’d be interested in contributing. I may reach out on Reddit and see if I can drum up some interest.

Reply
Lloyd Songal says:
December 18, 2012 at 10:39 am
The year 2012, has been rather uneventful.
Normally we, my lover of 30
Years, go on at least two cruses a year with a few other side trips.
This year we were both in total agreement we just wanted to chill the travel.
I spend my mornings at the gym; doing cardio and strength training.
We have a summer lake house 30 minutes out of town, so we would go there most evenings. We are fortunate to have many friends to both have out to the lake and be invited out.
This would not be complete without mentioning my new recent discovery of the creation of Kristoffer Gair and his Face of Gay, which has really helped me to somewhat take my mind off of some friends problems and redirect my focus back into my own life and feelings for my partner.
Thank you Kris for bringing us all to share our feelings.