What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Mushy

Posted on November 19, 2012

I’ve been a bit chattier than usual about my better half lately and pointing out some of the differences between us. I don’t do this to complain, but rather to try and understand him as I write through them. Differences are a healthy thing, especially in a relationship since most folks new to having them are under the assumption that you MUST have everything in common with each other, spend every waking moment with each other and become EVERYTHING to each other. Heck, I used to think the same thing and fell into that trap. When you do, it’s easy for friction to build up because there just isn’t any room left for the two of you to breathe. My hubby is different from me and I welcome that. And yes, I’m still talking about it. Strap yourself in. Or down. Totally up to you.

Ralph is patient and has always exemplified patience…until he can’t. He’s slow to boil but once he does, look out. I tend to let off steam like someone with a bladder problem without a pair of Depends; leak a little here and a little there at any given moment. Dealing with my father over the past three years has definitely helped me exercise the patience muscle, though, but there are days. The funny thing is watching honorable husband fly in for a weekend and mistake us all here as his extended team of employees. Why? Because it just encourages me to misbehave. Why? Because he can’t fire me.

He takes his job very seriously and even I know never to do anything remotely close to what Ross did to Rachel in Season 3 of Friends. Leave him be, let him do his thing and if he wants to share any of what’s going on, he’ll have a listening ear. As for my jobs, he’s always gotten a good laugh out of the things my co-workers have done and how entertaining they can/could be. He’s even met several of them. And when it came time to make a decision at my last job–the extenuating circumstances other than my father–his final words on the matter were “Quit. It’s not worth the stress.” He was right.

Writers–despite what you may have heard–do require a bit of mental support from our spouses. Spouse, really, unless you’re Mormon, then spouses. We know what we’re doing (most of the time), but we need to hear that you’re behind us even if you aren’t reading our work. Ralph doesn’t read my books because he knows in his heart that he’ll simply tell me to change things and he’s afraid (rightly so) that they’ll be the wrong suggestions. He can’t NOT meddle, so he simply removes himself from the equation. It used to bother me that he wouldn’t read my work. I wrote most of his college papers, though I’m now wondering if he read any of those either. But I’m at peace knowing he’s still behind me, pushing me, prodding me, giving me the occasional goose to make sure my buns are still the steel I tell him they are.

He thinks about the future, the long-term. He works to take care of his parents and to assist in taking care of me. All he asks is obedience. I’m sure he’d love to have blind obedience, but he’s willing to compromise with simple obedience. If he wants tea, I make him tea. If he wants cannollis, I get him cannollis. If he wants to try those new Doritos tacos from Taco Bell, I get him tacos and steal one for myself. That’s the kind of obedience he enjoys and I enjoy enriching his life in the good ways. Well, those ways.

You see, Ralph is what we call good people. He was a heck of a young man and turned into one hell of an adult. We tease each other, he’s lets me know he considers himself the alpha male, he acts annoyed when I pretend he isn’t, and he acts surprised when I zing him once for every twenty times he zings me. He makes an incredible husband. Also, can I just say for the record that he has the cutest buns? Buns…buns…buns… Soft, fluffy buns. Where was I again?

Suffice to say that I look forward to the day when we live in the same state, the same city, the same house and can raise a dog or two together. Then I won’t be the only bitch in the relationship. Until then, this dog will be looking after his tiger.

________________________
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.

8 Responses to “What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Mushy”

Dorien says:
November 19, 2012 at 8:38 am
LOL! (Sorry…a good blog as always.) But I have no control over my mind and as I was reading I couldn’t help but picture an old book with a cover of an 1890s young woman bringing her husband his pipe and slippers, and the title: “The Young Wife’s Guide to Pleasing Her Husband.” Just me. Ignore it.

D

Reply
Kris says:
November 19, 2012 at 8:57 pm
No, that’s pretty much dead on. Someone in his family may have even written it. =) I should write a satirical book one day on How To Please Your Half Asian Husband. It might sell.

Reply
Lloyd.songal says:
November 19, 2012 at 10:36 am
I enjoyed your writing and hearing about your relationship.
Isn’t it nice to be in a long term, exciting working relationship?
I can remember thinking when I was younger that i would never find anyone to settle down with in a long term relationship. Well lucky me; after being in one for 30, years we could not be more happy, and time just seems to fly by.
Life is good.
My wish to everyone is to be thankful for what you;because it could always be worse, and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Reply
Kris says:
November 19, 2012 at 8:58 pm
I was the last person to think I’d wind up in a long-term relationship. Relationships never came my way until after college, so I was pretty down on the idea by then. I was impatient.

Reply
Katherine T. says:
November 19, 2012 at 11:58 am
Good one. Fluffy buns and buns of steel. LOL! You two are quite a pair.

Reply
Kris says:
November 19, 2012 at 8:58 pm
We’re the new dynamic duo. heh heh heh

Reply
CR Guiliano says:
November 19, 2012 at 12:04 pm
*smh* You complain, you get snarky (king as always), you may even whine on occasion, but the love you feel for your husband shines through every word. Not that you will admit that, but there it is.

I hope you and your love have the most wonderful of holidays. I, myself, will be doing absolutely nothing for the holidays because my love is gone. I don’t need to tell you to charish what you have, because you already do.

*hugs to you both*

Reply
Kris says:
November 19, 2012 at 9:06 pm
I hope this doesn’t come across as inappropriate to bring up, but I know if anything ever happened to Ralph, he’d want me to still find happiness. I’d want him to be happy if something happened to me, too, just as long as he never had sex with anyone else or I’d haunt those buns of his I like. So along those lines, are you open to the idea of allowing someone else into your heart?

Not me, mind you. I’m not flirting. Besides, you’d get fed up with me in under an hour and I have a feeling your spankings wouldn’t be the ‘feel good’ kind. I just mean in general.