What You’ll Never See In A Haunted House/Demon/Demonic Possession Movie
Posted on September 18, 2016
The LGBTQ community. That’s what you won’t see. Eddie Murphy had it right back when he recorded Comedian about never seeing black people in horror movies. If he’d filmed it these days, he’d have been more specific and said they were no heterosexual black people. Why? They’re too smart. White folks, on the other hand, aren’t too bright. At least in the horror genre. Gays and lesbians (white, black, Asian, or any other ethnicity) are like heterosexual black folks in that respect because we don’t get involved in that crap.
Gay Male: Shit, no. I don’t watch VHS. I don’t even own a VHS player anymore, not since my vintage porn collection got uploaded onto XTube.
HWM: I have it on DVD.
GM: You’re so straight. You know the gays have all the latest technology. I don’t get into bed and wank for something that’s not on Blu-Ray.
HWM: Okay, that’s…awkward.
Gay Male: Hell, no. You can see I have Caller ID on my iPhone. I don’t recognize that number. It can go to voicemail, then I’ll block it.
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.