A Very Personal Message For Someone Special

Posted on January 31, 2013

I imagine my ad while in the pre-conception spiritual waiting room went something like this: “Wanted: Semi-serious, passive-aggressive, adorably cute, well-hung, science fiction movie watching, sarcastic, cute-bunned, hardworking, family-devoted world traveler with a good sense of humor for future boyfriend/husband/eternal playful tormentor ” Then, somewhere off to the side and quietly reading a book while all the other souls looked nervously around at each other and pretended not to see the offer up for grabs, came a soft sigh and the words, “Fine, I’ll do it.”

And my husband, my Ralph, was born 38 years ago today.

I remember when he and I first started to date and I did something that annoyed him…which was probably the very first day. He looked at me, put his hand on my shoulder and uttered those loving words I’ve never forgotten; “I’d like you to take the time to learn the Ralph mantra: ‘Ralph…is always right. I will listen to Ralph. I will not ignore Ralph’s recommendations. Ralph…is a deity.’ And, if this ever happens again, Ralph will personally rip your lungs out!” It’s okay, though. I’m sure I did it again and he didn’t remove my lungs. He knows if he ever did that I’d be unable to continue doing his bidding. You know, when I actually consent to do his bidding.

Some of you have met him and some of you haven’t. And some of you—if I have anything to say about—never will. Patti Logan knows who she is. heh heh heh At least I think she knows who she is. Honestly, it’s really difficult to tell with her some days when she gets into that hidden stash of boxed wine. But despite what she insists, not everything is about her. The one thing those of you who have met my guy agree on is that he’s truly adorable, kind-hearted, genuine, funny, and you often wonder how the hell he got stuck with me. It’s okay to admit it if you’ve thought that. His friends have been asking that question for years. Hell, my friends have been asking that for years.

Buggars.

If I had to pick out some fun moments over the past almost 18 years together, it would be the look on his face when I told him I’d brought winter boots with me to Toronto during a blizzard and he didn’t (because I told him it wasn’t going to snow and it did), the look on his face when he asks me for something and I tell him ‘no’ to which a resounding reply of “Don’t tell me ‘no’!” is heard, the look of indignation last month when he walked into his father’s hospital room with a bottle of water that I grabbed out of his hand and drank out of not realizing it was for his father, or how his eyes grow large when he reaches over to touch me and I playfully bite his hand.

He’s full of nuances and most of them aren’t predictable, but all are wonderful to experience with him. And let’s face it, the man has a nearly infinite amount of patience if he can deal with me. I’m not easy. Well, I AM easy, but I’m easy with him, just not easy in the other way. Okay, the other way is the way I’m easy, but not the serious way. I’m totally not easy in the serious way. Moving along, he keeps me focused, sets goals, looks to the future, doesn’t take anyone for granted, and very much deserves to be set on the tallest pedestal you think I’m putting him on. Honestly, there’s nobody out there like him. And there’s nobody out there like him for me.

I am his dog. He is my tiger.

So Happy Birthday, my tiger…my Ralph…my husband! Thank you for all that you’ve done, all that you do, and all that you will do. Thank you for being you and allowing me to share in your life.

All my love…and half the Blu-Ray collection,

Kris

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Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.

12 Responses to “A Very Personal Message For Someone Special”

Dorien says:
January 31, 2013 at 9:52 am
Happy Birthday,….Ralph!

D

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jane smith says:
January 31, 2013 at 9:55 am
You can literaly feel the love on this page

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Julie L Hayes says:
January 31, 2013 at 10:28 am
What a lovely birthday gift! You are both so truly blessed. Happy birthday to your Pookie, and many more to you both! *hugs*

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Kris says:
January 31, 2013 at 3:17 pm
I’m just hoping he enjoys it. heh heh heh

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Patricia Logan says:
January 31, 2013 at 11:36 am
Why am I helplessly disappointed that the title of this blog was not about me? Happy Birthday, Ralph, and thank god that you survived yet another year of being in the Kris.

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Kris says:
January 31, 2013 at 3:18 pm
Let’s see…you were born in July…in 1861…so I’ll be sure to write you a Happy Birthday blog later this year, too. I promise!

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JP Adkins says:
January 31, 2013 at 12:37 pm
I have had the honor of meeting Ralph and he is every bit as lovely as Kris says. Although, I do believe he knows Patti and she is secretly tormenting Kris for him. He is related to Hong Kong Grandmother.

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Kris says:
January 31, 2013 at 3:19 pm
There’s nothing secret about the way Patti torments little ol’ innocent me.

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Vastine Bondurant says:
January 31, 2013 at 3:08 pm
Happy Birthday, Ralph!

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Nick says:
January 31, 2013 at 9:46 pm
He is very good looking, kind and very lucky to have you as his husband! Happy Birthday to Sir Ralph! Sto Lat!!

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Katherine T. says:
February 1, 2013 at 4:07 am
Happy birthday to the love of your life.

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Vincent Ravencroft says:
February 5, 2013 at 3:05 pm
Happy Belated Birthday Ralph! May you have many more happy years with Kris! 🙂