Aging: It’s Like A Swift Kick To The Balls!
Posted on March 29, 2012
A friend of a friend was bemoaning the fact that at his age of 31–which seems young to me–a 19 year old he was hoping to engage in nocturnal mating rituals with told him not too long ago that “It’s okay you’re 31. I like older men.” This made my friend’s friend feel very awkward. This made my friend feel very awkward. This made me laugh at how awkward they felt because we’ve all be there. No, not with his friend even though I hear his friend gets around. We’ve all either thought of someone older than ourselves as old or we’ve been called old ourselves. I know I’ve been called old a few times and have had to fight the desire to give that person a swift kick in the balls.
What’s old? I remember being depressed when I turned 25 because it was halfway to 50. I remember being trepidatious when I turned 30, annoyed when I turned 35 and slightly panicked when I turned 40. Why panicked? Because I bloody well don’t feel old. Sure, I’ve got some creaks and pains, the gray hair is coming in and will probably overtake the highlights in a couple of years and the 20-something sphincter muscle I work with asked when I was going to be applying for my AARP card.
The funny thing is when I started dating my hubby back in 1995, I was 24 and he was 20. That was considered to be quite an age difference back then and friends would joke that I was robbing the cradle. I saw it as an opportunity for true love. He saw it as an opportunity to have a boyfriend with a degree in English write several his papers for him. We both got what we wanted in the end. The interesting question that leaps to mind is would I have dated someone four years older than myself if the situation was reversed? Probably not, but not for any specific reason I can think of.
My friend is going to marry his boyfriend this July and they have 10 years difference between them. If I was his age, would I date someone 10 years older than myself? Heck, would I date someone who’s 52? After all, age is just a number and you’re only as old as you feel, right? Well, it’s safe to say, too, that age is all about the experience. I look at my life now and compare it to those in their 20s who I work with–yes, I am the oldest one there–and I realize what young means. It’s simply an absence of life experience.
Youth is a trade-off. Everything looks good, but the heads are kinda empty. Things start to sag, widen, wrinkle and gray, and suddenly we have a better understanding of how the world works. It makes me wonder who thought this was a good idea. So when it comes to youth and dating someone older than oneself, should we take a potential generation gap into account? If one enjoys Brittany and the other enjoys a-ha, is there going to be a problem? If one prefers to read Bram Stroker’s Dracula and the other Twilight, do we have an issue?
Some will say yes and others will vehemently say no. There’s no real easy answer, is there? Maybe it just depends on the couple. And, if so, then maybe it’s not a question of age at all, but rather who was destined to be together and who wasn’t. Kinda scrambles the ol’ noodle, I think.
So, I’ve come complete circle and delivered zero answers on anything. Oh, there was that one question. Would I date someone older than myself? I do owe you an answer to that one, don’t I? Okay, here goes. I don’t have to think about it because I’m already married and under contract with my husband. Granted, I’ve never been allowed to read this contract before signing it and never given a copy after I did, so it could say just about anything.
“Ah,” you say. “He cheated.” I suppose I did. Now be a dear and hand me my a-ha CDs, won’t you?
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.
9 Responses to “Aging: It’s Like A Swift Kick To The Balls!”
Dorien Grey says:
March 29, 2012 at 9:00 am
When I was “in the game,” as they say, I was somehow a magnate for men younger than I. Ray, the love of my life, was 19 years younger. But now age difference is no longer an issue because I, physically at least, have been aged totally out of the game. But I do miss playing!
March 29, 2012 at 6:31 pm
The hubby used to tease me that we were both out of the game before we were really even in. More so him than me. I felt the need to check a couple of times before declaring myself batting for the team I’d been batting for since age 8. Still, it’s flattering once in a while when I’m told I’d have options if I was single.
Havan Fellows says:
March 29, 2012 at 9:57 am
I love older men – after being married to an immature one for way too long older men have a sexy smart appeal. And yeah, aside from the creaks here and there I don’t feel or act my age…lol 🙂
March 29, 2012 at 6:32 pm
I’ve joked with guy and told him that there’s always one wrinkle he’ll know how to get out. He usually responds with something sarcastic, but the younger ones usually do. They think it’s cute and endearing. Grrr…
Jeff P says:
March 29, 2012 at 10:51 am
Since my mate is 16 years older than me, I can say that I would date someone older. Although, before I met him I had rules. Yes the rules. Somehow Pumpkin broke all the rules. He is 16 years older and we moved in together before six months. I swear that man tricked me somehow, but I choose to remain oblivious to it.
March 29, 2012 at 6:33 pm
It’s those subliminal tapes they play at night that make us more open to their suggestions. I put up with the same thing here, too.
Frank Anthony Polito says:
March 29, 2012 at 11:25 am
My partner of 22 years is ONLY 7 months older than me — but old enough to qualify as an “older man” 😉
There’s a recurring theme in my first novel BAND FAGS! No matter what age the boys are, they lament: “We are getting sooo old!” Be it 14 or 18. To this day, with each new birthday I say the exact same thing.
March 29, 2012 at 6:34 pm
I’m hitting a bit on the age thing in Gaylias 2. It’s kinda fun when it’s other characters. Did the two of you get married yet?
Lloyd Songal says:
March 11, 2013 at 12:41 am
My Husband and registered domestic partner is 15 years my senior; I have always liked and been attracted to older people and men in particular. I find them to be, without doubt, to be the most interesting people.