Ever Have One Of Those Weeks You Swear Was A Conspiracy?

Posted on August 23, 2012

I sometimes tend to be a little bit like fellow author and blogger Dorien Grey in that I don’t always know what I’m going to write about for these posts until I actually sit down and start typing. Even then I don’t know. Well, not this week! Oh, no. I ended up with two topics as of yesterday, the first I’m going to get to now. Have you ever woken up in the morning and realized something just wasn’t right? It’s nothing you could put your finger on no matter how hard you try and then get distracted putting your finger on something else, only there’s something that just doesn’t quite fit in the universe. Worse yet, it drives you mental trying to figure it out because it hasn’t presented itself. I wonder if that’s guilt or unresolved longing coming to the surface. Then again, what have I got to feel guilty about or long for? Don’t say it. Just…don’t. Instead, believe me when I say it’s a conspiracy.

One unresolved moment I clearly remember is driving home from college after finishing my exams, packing the car up and saying goodbye to my roommates, all for the last time. Yes, we actually had cars back when I was in college. We just didn’t have cell phones. I went to school on the west side of the state, so there was a good three hours of traveling to mull over this very odd, very empty, very anti-climactic feeling. I didn’t walk for graduation. The university wanted to charge me two extra nights to stay where I was in order to walk. I was broke, didn’t have a job, and wasn’t entirely sure how I was going to afford gas home. Fortunately, I sold my graduation tickets to someone and I was even able to afford McDonald’s during the trip home. But I still feel as if I missed something important back then. It’s like a little hole that hasn’t quite filled itself in over the years.

Right. Moving along.

A more recent moment was getting out of bed yesterday morning. Maybe it was just something in the air other than the smell from the air conditioner drainage that had backed up and soaked into the carpet and smelled to high heaven. Maybe it was the orange candle I left out on the dresser to help mask that first smell. Maybe I should have just stayed in bed. Whatever the case, I met some friends for lunch, then came home to something that resulted in needing to move my website. Writing I can handle. Technical things (aka computer-related things)? Not so good at. I panic. Hell, I panicked. I do that well, even when it’s not called for, which it really wasn’t in this case. But I still did and it did get resolved with the selfless help of a friend. And that’s when my Twitter account got suspended.

If it’s not one f’ing thing, it’s another.

Coincidence? Conspiracy? Maybe, but it actually did turn out to be a coincidence. The thing with Twitter is they don’t always tell you why your account has been suspended. You just know it is and you’re intuitively supposed to know why. Or learn through osmosis by sleeping with your arm resting on the laptop. I don’t know. Remember, I’m not technical and I’m not computer-psychic. So I politely filled out the form letting them know I didn’t understand why my account was suspended and that I haven’t done anything different in the last year and a half blah blah blah. I received an e-mail from them this morning, which I had to respond to saying the same exact things. Finally, I did receive a second reply: “Twitter has automated systems that find and remove multiple automated spam accounts in bulk. Unfortunately, it looks like your account got caught up in one of these spam groups by mistake.”

Hey, you know what? They fixed it and I’m grateful for that. It does make me wonder how an advanced technical marvel like Twitter managed to consider little ol’ me a spam account, though. I’m harmless unless aroused and since I haven’t seen my husband since July 5th, I’m back to being harmless. Whatever. Not questioning it. It’s over and I’ve stopped another minor panic attack. Of course, it would be wonderful if I’d eat something since I’ve kinda been starving myself since yesterday. That’s what happens when I get stressed. I stop eating…and that makes me crabby.

So I sat down to start typing this out and thought some music might be nice. I grabbed from the pile the hubs had left for me–he does that thinking I’ll think it’s romantic, but really he just wanted me to put it away because I do that for him–and the first disc was? Can you guess? Na, you won’t get this one. It’s a Kim Wilde single titled Baby Obey Me.

Okay, I get it. Conspiracy or not, I’m supposed to obey him. It’s all about the obeying with Asians and their white guys, isn’t it? And if I do, will it make all these other things go away? Grr… I think I’m going to go eat first before I find out.

Ciao,

Kris

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Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.

5 Responses to “Ever Have One Of Those Weeks You Swear Was A Conspiracy?”

Katherine T. says:
August 23, 2012 at 9:23 am
Isn’t it wonderful how the world can bring things together to make you feel like it’s one big conspiracy? I think it is the powers that be idea of a joke. Only, it’s not so funny when the joke is on us.
I hope today is conspiracy free. Have a good one! 🙂

Reply
Kris says:
August 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm
It’s been better today, but I still haven’t eaten more than a pretzel this afternoon when I took dad to the mall and there’s a tropical storm heading towards the hubs. I think I’m getting a pizza tonight.

Reply
Carah says:
August 23, 2012 at 12:44 pm
I truly believe my last name should have been Murphy…as in Murphy’s Law…because Murphy’s Law STALKS me.

Great post Kris.

Reply
Kris says:
August 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm
Both of our names should have been Murphy. lol

Reply
Jeff says:
August 23, 2012 at 10:04 pm
That explains it…Wil Wheaton! You know he and the Hong Kong Grandmother are in cahoots.