Kristoffer Gair Vs. Patricia Logan’s 2012 New Year’s Assassins
Posted on December 29, 2011
So with Ralph home and the amount of cooking, cleaning up after him, catering to his every whim, offering to sit on his lap like Santa and running around places we didn’t need to go for things we didn’t need or end up buying, I missed my Monday blog post. That’s the short of it in a really long way. I wasn’t thrilled missing it, but I think my batting average has been pretty solid since I started writing them earlier this year, certainly more solid than my attempts to sit on his lap. And that line of thought got me wondering what I should be concentrating on in 2012. I put the question out there to friends on social media. Some were helpful. And others? Yeah…some were helpful! Let’s review a few:
Them: Resolve to continue being the incredibly wonderful person you already are.
Moi: Shit. Obviously someone who doesn’t me that well. I’m opinionated, somewhat crass, can’t stand people who act like morons and… I’m old, okay? Leave it at that.
Them: Procrastinate more.
Moi: I’m already a year behind submitting my next book. It doesn’t get any more procrastinating than this.
Them: Help kids stay safe by not texting on my cell phone while eating McDonald’s and speeding through crosswalks in school zones with a frost covered windshield.
Moi: I yell at any asshole texting or talking on a cell phone while driving. Scare them anymore than I do and they’ll have an accident anyway.
Them: More sex.
Moi: FINALLY, one I like and I’m bloody good at! Where the hell did Ralph go? I’ve still got my Santa hat here somewhere…
Them: Resolve to be nice to my fellow man and old ladies with pink extensions.
Moi: Author Patricia Logan has obviously never shopped with me at Kohls. Old ladies already annoy me, but ones with pink extensions? Grrr…
Them: To annoy annoying people whenever possible!
Moi: The second person who understands me! Yes, I do and will, but it’s really not a resolution of sorts. It’s more like a natural born gift I’ve elevated damn near to legendary status. My tombstone may one day read “He came, he saw, he pissed many off and one of them finally snuffed his ass”.
Them: To visit Australia.
Moi: Would love to! I have a dream to make love in every country in the world, even if it’s just to myself. Ah… But to do it down under in Oz? Special treat!
Them: To convince Paramount to remake Star Trek: Nemesis, and make it into a decent film, a worthy send off to the Next Gen crew, instead of the crock of shit that it was.
Moi: I couldn’t agree more. Nemesis was as much an insult to audiences as it was the cast and crew. Personally, I think there’s still one more movie left with the crew of the Next Generation. Will it ever happen? No. But it would be nice to think it still could.
I’ll definitely be taking many of those ideas into consideration, but aside from that, I do plan on finishing the Gaylias sequel, continuing on with the next Andy book, getting married, helping out with my father as much as possible, learning more patience and remembering my social skills when out with friends. I don’t get out much. Patricia Logan keeps brainwashed assassins (officially now referred to as ‘the Loganites’) loyal only to her hot on my trail and all because I wouldn’t give her a little tail. Or in my case, a rather large portion of tail. Why? Because that’s how evil rolls.
From Ralph and myself, Happy New Year!
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.
4 Responses to “Kristoffer Gair Vs. Patricia Logan’s 2012 New Year’s Assassins”
December 29, 2011 at 8:24 am
Love this post! Great resolutions and my first laugh of the day!! Happy New Year to you both, love, laugh and a good perspective on life!!
December 29, 2011 at 9:28 pm
Thank you, Jean! I do enjoy the sound of laughter…just not in bed.
Sawyer Winter says:
December 30, 2011 at 8:39 am
I was offended by several crass remarks. Well done.
December 30, 2011 at 10:12 am
All for you, Sawyer! All for you. Lol