OMG! It’s… Naa, We’ll Save That For 2014

Posted on December 19, 2013

I vowed many years ago I would never work with another author on a book again. This included co-authoring or doing an anthology. Yes, the experience was ‘that’ negative at the time. It’s lessened a bit over the years, but it’s a rule I remained steadfast about up until last year. Writing—to me—is personal. It’s taking an idea and creating a little world that didn’t exist before. And as the conduit from which this world is born, I take full responsibility for its existence. I use the term conduit because while I may have what I feel to be the grandest ideas in the world, my muse will often roll her eyes and tell me ‘no’ or simply give me the finger. We have that good of a rapport with each other. So here I am…with a contract I signed two nights ago for the second anthology I’m part of. Who knew?

For those of you who don’t partake, writing is extremely hard work. It is. It’s incredibly fun, but it also required incredible discipline and pays off in the amount of incredible fun you can have with it. My husband believed for the longest time that I was some weird alien offshoot of the human race when it came to my profession. He’d never really been around other authors before and the first time he found himself in the presence of a couple of us, the look of horror on his face matched the way he said something along the lines of you “There are more of you!” I consider myself profoundly lucky to call these people my friends, though there are times I’m not sure even they quite understand me. Maybe that’s a good thing. If we all wrote humor, we might be competing endlessly and that get tiresome. That or we’d all die from shortness of breath laughing. We almost do that now.

The Butt Pirates In Space anthology was an eye-opener for me. I took a leap of faith and agreed to work with people I didn’t know very well (most of them, that is), wasn’t entirely familiar with their writing and had no idea if it would sink or swim. And as with many things in life, there was some drama. Fortunately, it was relegated to dealing with one ego (that individual pulled their story and involvement prior to publication) and a bit of backstabbery. Yes, I’m making up a new word. Not everything is cookies and cream and that’s entirely okay. I had an absolutely wonderful time working with the others, so much so that I really jumped at the idea of doing another anthology with them and the authors they (and we) invited to be part of it.

Now, had I been a newbie, I surely would have run for the covers once some of the reviews came in. I probably would never have written again and attempted to remove all traces of me from the internet. Alas, I didn’t. I look them up now because they genuinely make me laugh! None of us escaped criticism…except Shae Connor…bitch. One gets the impression some readers were looking for the literary equivalent of Kira Kurosawa or Fellini instead of Spaceballs or The Naked Gun. Personally, I feel we should use the following bit in our marketing for next year’s anthology: If You Hated Butt Pirates In Space, Then You’re Going to Loathe Butt Ninjas From Hell!

I had no idea what my story was going to be about. I was 5000 words in and I still had no idea who my characters were. Fortunately, I just had to trust my muse. I really do hate writing blindly, though. She knew where she wanted to go and there were several moments when I started laughing out loud because of a scene she’d set up pages earlier that then paid off. I got it! Now comes the editing stage and I’m looking forward to helping things take final shape. Finishing a first draft produces a delightful high for a couple of days and then an even bigger one when you see it in print.

One of my favorite parts of this latest anthology will be seeing my co-contributors at OutlantaCon next May. T.C. Blue will hand me an Appletini, Kiernan Kelly will be swatting her husband, Shae will be picking everybody else but me up from the airport, Ally Blue will be busy trying to convince everyone she really IS an author contrary to the internet rumors I started, thereby causing her to run after me with a sharp object, J.P. Barnaby will be running after me with Ally after I pass her and yell out “OMG! It’s J.P. Barnaby!”, Java will be rolling his eyes and Eden Winters will be muttering “Bless his heart.”

And those are just the first five minutes.

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Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.

18 Responses to “OMG! It’s… Naa, We’ll Save That For 2014”

Dorien says:
December 19, 2013 at 9:52 am
A novel is a full meal; an anthology is a box of chocolates. Glad you’re doing another.

D

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Kris says:
December 19, 2013 at 7:40 pm
Have you ever done an anthology, D?

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Patricia (Trish) Hebel says:
December 19, 2013 at 9:57 am
I will bet those authors you deal with call you “quirky”. Not for your writing, but in your actions. Quirky is not a bad thing. It keeps you fresh and young at heart. Keep on being you. Be the best you you can be. The point is you’re different and special. No, I do not mean the kind of special that requires a helmet!

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Kris says:
December 19, 2013 at 7:41 pm
I like the word ‘quirky,’ but no. That isn’t what they call me. I really shouldn’t type the names they do.

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Patricia (Trish) Hebel says:
December 19, 2013 at 10:01 am
I just had to add this little note. I sincerely hope that all the action at Outlanta will be put on youtube. Special moments like that deserve to be preserved forever. Especially if Ally Blue manages to catch up to you!

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Kris says:
December 19, 2013 at 7:42 pm
I took some footage this year, but not much. I’ll take more next time.

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Shae Connor says:
December 19, 2013 at 10:33 am
… do I know you?

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Kris says:
December 19, 2013 at 7:42 pm
You should. You kept flashing me your corset.

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Patricia Logan says:
December 19, 2013 at 12:50 pm
We observers/readers had a blast last year at Outlantacon and having met Kiernan Kelly, whom I have read before, was very exciting and it just made me remember (as I watched her swat her husband more than once) that authors really are just like everyone else… sans sanity. But then, if I were to ask people like Jeff Adkins, who really think they know who the sane are, “is he sane?” he’d of course point out that no authors are sane, they just use big words to write themselves out of their straight jackets.

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Kris says:
December 19, 2013 at 7:43 pm
We’re not like everybody else. Some of us are special! You can’t count the number of people who I heard say “Patti Logan sure is…you know…’special’.”

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Kiernan Kelly says:
December 19, 2013 at 2:06 pm
I cannot wait until May, when Atlanta will be overrun with much Kris-chasing-husband-swatting goodness.

And sock puppets.

Don’t forget the sock puppets.

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Kris says:
December 19, 2013 at 7:43 pm
Yes. I cannot miss the sock puppets this year. I’ll have to take video footage of it, too.

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Patricia Nelson says:
December 19, 2013 at 4:00 pm
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I can’t make it to Outlantacon this time. =/

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Kris says:
December 19, 2013 at 7:44 pm
There’s always the next year, Patti. And we’ll be sure to take lots of pics and video footage so it feels like you were right next to us…sitting on Patti Logan’s lap…feeling the love.

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Ally Blue says:
December 19, 2013 at 6:41 pm
1. Everybody knows I’m an author because I am The Popess. Kris cannot change that no matter how hard he tries. So HA.
2. When I see Kris, I’m yelling, “HEY BITCH!” and smacking him upside his smartass head with my walker. His helmet is not going to save him.
3. I heart Kris no matter how many walker fights we have.
4. SOCK PUPPETS, BITCHES! Oh yeah. Cannot wait for May to get here!

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Kris says:
December 19, 2013 at 7:46 pm
I like you more a little bit each and every day!

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Ally Blue says:
December 19, 2013 at 8:02 pm
<3

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Monique says:
December 19, 2013 at 8:03 pm
Nice post and have a great time.