Spacehunters: The Story It Almost Was and Thank God Isn’t
Posted on August 16, 2012
I never liked it when a story ended and there wasn’t a sequel. As a child, I wanted more. As a young adult who’s just barely old enough to know more than some of the dipshits running around today, I still want more. Well, less of the dipshits and more of the stories. I once approached director Charles Band and politely asked if he’d allow me to write a sequel to Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn. He never did give me an answer, so I suspect that was an answer. Personally, I think I’m qualified and I’d have delivered a respectably exciting novel! I also wanted to write a sequel to Megaforce and Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone. Those haven’t happened yet, but I did recently take my first foray into Science Fiction writing with a short story titled Spacehunters: Master Elite and the Maternal Order of Loganites Beyond Uranus. It’s for the Butt-Pirates In Space anthology. I’m guessing you figured out it’s a comedy, BUT–not butt–you’d never guess what the story was originally going to be about!
Picture it…Sicily…May of this year. Well, Atlanta, but the husband is a huge Golden Girls fan–not a remotely gay quality, is it?–and I sometimes slip things like that in a post of mine just in case he ever reads one. I figure if I slip that in, he’ll be more inclined to slip something else in. He hasn’t. Read my posts, that is. His brother has. Read my posts, not slipped anything in. Ew. Based on his track record with women, I’m pretty certain he’d be striking out with the guys, too. Anyway, several authors were in Atlanta for Outlanta, the GLBT convention, sitting on a GLBT lit panel–because we have more than one, something the Writer’s Track at DragonCon could learn from–and somebody brought up the term Butt-Pirates. The conversation degenerated further, most likely into the realm of Sci-Fi, and someone linked them with Butt Pirates In Space. Six authors sat there giggling and the idea for an anthology was born.
So T.C. Blue and immediately started wracking our brains for a story idea that would be a bit campy, a bit gay and entirely humorous. You can’t really escape those three ingredients with an anthology title like Butt Pirates in Space. What would we do? What could we say? What could possibly come out of our deceptively innocent minds that would interest readers? We toiled and toiled and ran ideas past each other, then toiled some more, but to no avail. This was all in the first 2 minutes of having agreed to be a part of the venture.
It finally occurred to me that a fun little tale might be told if there was a large scale intergalactic heist going on and each member of the crew had a very unique ability that allowed them to operate as a perfect team. There would be plenty of little details and b-stories to share, plus one or two a-stories. One of the b-stories I thought would be worth some laughs had to do one of the male members of the team who’s lost his actual member (aka penis) in an accident. He spends much of the story trying to decide which artificial appendage he’ll have surgically attached. The humor would be in the details of all the models, pros and cons alike. The one thing he doesn’t want is what another member of the team has; a member that is capable of picking any lock in existence.
Yeah, that was the idea. I’m pleased to report that it died a quick death the moment I sat down and started writing out the dialogue. And yes, I tend to craft my stories around dialogue. Comedy tends to need to be like that. If you don’t have sharp, fun, believable dialogue, then what’s going to keep readers wanting to turn the page? Certainly not my description of an airlock hatch. There’s an amusing bit that takes place just before the two main characters pass through an airlock hatch, but you’ll have to wait to read it.
Do I want to tell you what it’s about? Absolutely! Should I? Probably not. I mean, it’s nearly 9 months away from publication IF we actually get the book deal. But I can share the synopsis I wrote early on just as I was several pages in. The plot is still the same. The only thing that changed is the end. I essentially took my hubby and I, put us 260 years into the future and based the interaction just as if it was the two of us. Write what you know, yes?
Anyway, here’s the synopsis and I’ll see you on Saturday with the 4th Face of Gay post.
Partners in life and crime Jayden and Chace have a secret. It’s not that they’ve infiltrated a space station vacation hot spot dedicated to serving the rich and famous. It’s not that they have a plan to steal an ancient Japanese scroll from someone staying there. It’s not that it’s going to be sold to the highest bidder in order to fund the creation of a ship to further their own agenda. It’s not even that Chace’s grandmother may or may not be trying to kill Jayden. And it’s certainly not that one of them is considering double crossing the best agent of the Order of the Loganites, who’s helping them obtain the scroll.
These two have a certain historical knowledge and more life experience with each other than could possibly be crammed into their three decades of existence. They’re also usually a couple steps ahead of station security and able to adapt to any given potential crisis, only not without some major bitching and insults thrown around. “Until death do you part” might not apply to these two and may not have for a couple of centuries…
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.
2 Responses to “Spacehunters: The Story It Almost Was and Thank God Isn’t”
August 16, 2012 at 8:32 am
They say “write what you know” and, though your direct knowledge of the future and space stations may be limited, your ever-fertile mind and relationships with certain unnamed people can and I’m sure will provide you with enough material for another couple hundred books. I’m looking forward to them!
Kiernan Kelly says:
August 16, 2012 at 12:13 pm
You mean you DIDN’T write about the guy without a penis and all the possible surgical implants?
Now, I’m disappointed.
Btw, the hero in my story happens to mention an acquaintance who lost his penis in an unfortunate laser-blade accident — Havar the Shrill. May he’s your character! ROFLMAO