Technology Confuses Author on Thera-Flu: News at 11
Posted on September 12, 2011
I have a wonderful friend and delightful fellow author, the prolific Dorien Grey, who shares my curiosity and childlike tantrums about technology. It’s a blessing in disguise because my partner has a childlike curiosity about technology that he loves to see me fly into tantrums about. It bothered him in the beginning. Now it just amuses his half Asian ass. But, come on. I mastered the Atari 2600 on my own. I had a pager. I know how to use Excel and PowerPoint. It’s just all this other crap with phones that do shit they have no business doing and then there’s this whole touch pad thing. Grrr…
In all honesty, I thought about putting my thoughts down about 9/11 and then realized it might be best if I didn’t. Don’t get me wrong. I feel for the victims, their families and their friends. But I feel ashamed that someone like Ann Coulter verbally attacked the widows of 9/11. I’m dumbfounded that first responders still can’t talk with each other after 10 years. And I’m most annoyed that even though power passes from one party to the next, we’re still having the same damn problems, no solutions and our leaders are their own worst hurdles. So, there. Back to the fun stuff.
Yeah, technology. Let’s start with phones. Phones are made to call people. It’s that simple. I’ve graduated to texting on my phone (which I love), Google chat on my phone (which isn’t bad either), GPS on my phone (1 time only, though, since I have an actual GPS) and… That’s it. I don’t do e-mail on my phone because that’s what computers are made for. If somebody needs to get a hold of me that bad, they can frickin’ call! I also don’t play music on my phone since that’s what my MP3 player does just fine on its own. But the latest phone my guy bought for me? It’s a touch screen. It deletes shit if you press on it just right…which is never when you actually want it to.
Just a side note, but one of my previous jobs tried to give me one of those Nextel phones where they can find and bother you with a really loud, annoying set of beeps. I wouldn’t accept it. No way. Why? Because while they might want to get a hold of me, there’s no guarantee I wanted to talk to them depending on what I was doing at the time. Snarky? You bet!
So, I’ve somewhat embraced the phone thing as I have the laptop when not on my main system…and then all this other crap came along. E-reader? I don’t own one. I don’t want one. I like actual books, but I understand why other folks like their readers. Just not for me. Just sayin’. And now there’s this little thing that Ralph picked up and insisted I use called the HP TouchPad.
The conversation kind of went like this:
“What’s it do? I already have a laptop that surfs the net. Was it worth spending $149 on something I can already do on a laptop I already own? No, I won’t. What the hell am I going to read a book on it for? I have actual books and if I need to read something, I can read it on the laptop. I can talk to you on it? How? Where’s the keyboard? There isn’t one? Okay, so it’s like a phone? I don’t need a phone this size. Oh, Skype. I can Skype on the frickin’ laptop. Wait. How am I supposed to type if there’s no keyboard? Another god***n touch screen??? So it IS like my phone? You’re telling me it’s more like a laptop now? What the f**k is it? Is it a phone? A laptop? A Transformer??? I don’t want it! I don’t need it! I won’t have it!”
I’m now learning how to use it.
It doesn’t mean I have to like it, though. Anybody else feel this way about technology?
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.
4 Responses to “Technology Confuses Author on Thera-Flu: News at 11”
Dorien Grey says:
September 12, 2011 at 9:04 am
Ah, Kris, we are indeed kindred spirits. I have a cell phone. I have a computer. I have never touched an iPad, an iPhone, a Blackberry, a Blueberry, a gps or an e-reader, and feel no need to do so. I know, I’m probably missing out on a lot, and that this puts me in the era of wall telephones you had to crank to get the operator. But to quote my pal Rhett Butler, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
It’s you and me against the world!
September 12, 2011 at 4:34 pm
No Blackberry here either, but I do have an Android. And I’ll admit to liking my GPS because of the traveling I do. It took quite a bit for me embrace them all, though.
September 12, 2011 at 11:03 am
If Ann Coulter does believe what she says, she’s delusional, and if she just likes creating a fuss and doesn’t really believe it (as some people suggest), that would make her a liar and possibly a sociopath, since she doesn’t seem to care whom she hurts. Bah. I’m not going to let her spoil my good mood from reading your post. Loathsome hag, I cast thee out!!
Count me in as a late adopter. I got my first cell phone in 2000, first digital camera in maybe 2006? and the GPS a few months ago (and am now completely dependent on it). When I won a free e-book a week ago, I had to download Kindle for PC in order to access it.
The way I look at it, I may as well wait until technology shakes out and only the best stuff is left, and that’s what I’ll get. That will happen soon, right?
September 12, 2011 at 4:40 pm
You raise a valid point, but then come the upgrades. Technology is like home video. First, Beta, then VHS, then VCD, DVD, and now Blu-Ray. There will always be something else. People get paid to come up with this crap. Lol