The Warmth of a Mental Fire

Posted on February 1, 2016

If medication can mess with someone’s mind when they’re taking it, it goes double for me. I rarely even take an aspirin. So if I’m taking cold/sinus medication as this past week has been the case, then rest assured it’s screwed with me. How? It makes me emotional. My husband says I’m already too emotional at times. What’s his take on emotions then? Just take a gander at his text reaction to my previous blog post birthday message to him: “Got about half through the birthday message, started to feel misty, so had to cut that shit off.” Oh, yes.

My Little Brother watched The Mysterious Case of Benjamin Button on the flight back from Milan and cried a bit. He’s seen the film before, so in his defense, he was really overtired. My husband looked over at him, saw a fellow Asian shedding tears, and couldn’t comprehend what could possibly be so wrong as to cause the body to lose precipitation. It’s not logical. And Little Brother could lose his Asian card if the Asian Mafia ever found out, which my husband reminded him of.

Sadly, my sinuses have been flipping me the middle finger for the past seven days, so I’ve been forced to do what I can to fight back. Hence, the medication. This means that every time I’ve passed my father’s slippers near the front door, or glanced over at his glasses in the office, I’ve gotten misty.

Mom has been a bit more conversational where dad has been concerned lately. I feared she would wind up focusing more on the negative because of the last seven years he suffered from Alzheimer’s, but she hasn’t. Mom actually picked out a new dining room table and chairs that are quite nice. I like them. They’re new and she needs a bit of new. We’re also putting ideas together for her kitchen and dining room, which will get a makeover. In looking together, though, she has been very animated in telling me about how good my father’s taste in furniture and decorating was.

Sometimes there are little details she tells me about, and some are bigger. The one thing she has told me several times is that they never clashed when it came to picking something out. Dad even picked out the style of dishes we used for many, many years. I always assumed mom picked them out. Nope. I remember dad taking me out and showing me the first microwave and dishwasher he was getting as gifts for the house. He bought items that would last. They were good quality—he was never cheap—and they fit with the décor.

So, she hasn’t been negative. Not at all. That’s a good feeling for me because I keep focusing on how I may have let him down, that I could have done more, and done more better than I did. That’s going to take a long time before it starts to get fuzzy. But it helps to see mom remembering the good times. It’s the kind of warm feeling that can only come from a mental fire.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for some more meds, and then a good cry.

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Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.

3 Responses to “The Warmth of a Mental Fire”

Eddie Lam says:
February 1, 2016 at 7:13 am
There is nothing wrong being sentimental. I love a good cry. We are not robot. It is actually healthy to cry when we need to. =)

Reply
Kris says:
February 1, 2016 at 3:32 pm
Um…you do realize you could have your Chinese card taken away for admitting there is nothing wrong with being sentimental and loving a good cry, right? 😛

Reply
Eddie Lam says:
February 1, 2016 at 4:06 pm
My Chinese card is yelling. No one can take it away =)