Uh, Right Ethnicity, Wrong Person…And Hoping For Closure
Posted on February 9, 2012
So I was at J.C. Penny last night after work where they were holding a pair of dress pants for me. The pair at their sister store the previous night was too short. Naturally, these were too long. But the suit jacket was my favorite, so I figured I could get the pants tailored. One thing I’ve learned when shopping for clothes is this, though: always get the opinion of the Asian in the relationship and if he’s not available, get someone else of Chinese ethnicity–since he’s half Chinese and trusts his fellow gay Chinese friends–to step in and offer his opinion. I did. A good friend of mine met me there to make sure my selection was acceptable. It was. The gentleman waiting on me knew the reason for the suit and when my friend showed up, looked at him and said “Congratulations!” While my friend’s response was a deadpan “What?”, my response was a bit more animated. “Uh, he’s not the one getting married. Right ethnicity, wrong person.” Good to know I have a back-up just in case my guy leaves me at the altar. The suit is currently being tailored and can be picked up in a week. Oy…
Right, on to the heavy stuff. I wrote a blog post a few weeks…er…months…a little while back and I mentioned that a longtime friend and I hadn’t spoken in quite some time, that it had ended badly and we hadn’t seen each other since. I tried to initiate a conversation via e-mail a couple of times, but it never came to much, something I’ve regretted. Well, several of you suggested that I not give up and continue trying. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m looking at an event coming up in my life that will change things a bit or because of my father and the fact he’ll never have an opportunity to fix any other relationship in his life again, but I typed out an actual letter to that friend and mailed it–not e-mailed this time–two days ago. It’s my last attempt and, based on what I said, the closest to closure I’ll ever get. I’m hopeful, but not confident.
This particular letter spurred me on to write another letter to a friend I knew back from grade school. We met during tennis lessons, she’s responsible for turning me on to Anne McCaffrey and we ended up doing theater together in high school. Unfortunately, I don’t quite know what caused the falling out with her or if there were extenuating circumstances in her life that caused her to shut down with a number of people. All I do know is that we haven’t talked in three years, so I wrote a letter to her, too. This is also my final attempt and closest I’ll get to closure. Again, I’m hopeful, but not confident. That does seem to be a theme with these letters.
But at least I’m hopeful.
I wish I knew why I felt so compelled to take these steps, but I don’t. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe you just reach a point where you want to come to terms with friendships, specifically ones that have gone bad or need some attention, and find a way to help them come to a peaceful resolution. A little peace wouldn’t be a bad thing and isn’t it better to at least have neutral thoughts going out there in the universe than bad ones? I guess if they can’t be positive, the most we can hope for is neutral. We’ll see. We’ll see.
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.
6 Responses to “Uh, Right Ethnicity, Wrong Person…And Hoping For Closure”
February 9, 2012 at 9:16 am
Very interesting post. I’ve had to let go of some friends recently as they were not really friends, at least not anymore. It’s good to make an attempt at peace and to find closure. Unfinished business has a way of nagging at you in the middle of the night and other times, making you wonder, “did I do enough to try and save this?”
Now you won’t have that worry. You have done enough. Peace awaits. Well done.
February 10, 2012 at 9:21 pm
Still no reply as of tonight. I’m not sure if they’re mulling it over or simply dismissing it. Seriously not liking the waiting bit.
Sara York says:
February 9, 2012 at 9:47 am
I’ve recently come in contact with people from high school. It’s been interesting. After school, I took off, never to return to or spend time with my old friends there. Now, many years later, those hurts and hang ups don’t really matter. Good for you for trying to find some closure.
February 10, 2012 at 9:31 pm
High school was a huge source of blog topics for a while. Oh, the angst. Then I got talked into going to the 20 year pre-reunion party and things have never been the same since, but in a good way. =)
C. Zampa says:
February 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Doesn’t matter, sweetie, what spurred on the desire to have closure with them. Something DID trigger you and has pressed on you to do it…so it’s right for you to try.
Hoping they respond; and, if they don’t, that you DO find closure anyway.
February 10, 2012 at 9:31 pm
No response yet. Keeping my fingers crossed. Thanx. =)