Ultra-Man Was A Bully & Other Tales From The Glass Tiger/Cutting Crew Era
Posted on November 13, 2006
Is 36 too old to be considered “middle aged” yet? I do have to wonder. Why, you ask? How nice of you to indulge me! I don’t get enough of that…and I don’t have enough indulgences either. Wait. Where the hell was I? That’s right; a tangent. Um…shit. Where do I want to pick this up? I swear I have Kathy Griffin’s memory sometimes.
I’m going through this whole 80′s revitalization thing right now that started last May when I acquired a questionably-legitimate DVD box set of “Johnny Sokko and His Flying Robot.” Lost youth? Screw you! You bet. This continued on with the genuine release of “Ultra-man” and the realization during revitalization that “Ultra-man” could never be gay. HE’S A BULLY! Seriously. Watch the show again and you’ll be amazed how he just can’t get enough of beating the living fake snot out of these rubber-suited monsters, many of which…okay, some of which haven’t really done anything to deserve it. WTF??? This silver dildo-looking thing who I’ve idolized for decades is nothing more than a space-age jock with better weapons?
You have NO idea how this can affect somebody my age.
What else? Oh, this was a cute one. I bou…uh…”borrowed” a DVD from Amazon.com (never know when the boyfriend is reading these) of a Glass Tiger concert. Remember Glass Tiger? No, that’s not the name of a Duran Duran album. That was “Seven and the Ragged Tiger.” Tell you what, just let me do the talking, okay? Anyway, Glass Tiger. The show was filmed on June 19th, 1986 and I happen to remember exactly what I did that day. I was taking driver’s training at that time and studying in my bedroom that day when my mother called me out to the living room. She smiled and said “Here’s your birthday present!” There, standing in the doorway, was a downright hot young 20-something girl in a tuxedo. My jaw dropped and my mother realized to her horror that I thought she and my father had gotten me a hooker.
The curtains in the living room were closed, so I couldn’t see the limo outside in the driveway. Hmm…hooker…limo? What would I rather have had? The limo. You can pick up a hooker in a limo, but you can’t use a hooker to pick up a limo. Now, if it had been a hot nubile male 20-something, I’d have had something to do IN the limo instead of riding around with my friends. One of them did bring me the latest Stevie Nicks Rock A Little cassette, so that was more than worth it.
Right, done sharing for now. I’m going to get back to making out Christmas cards (I’m not sending them out until after Thanksgiving thank you so much) and watching a Cutting Crew live concert from 1987.
The 80′s revitalization lives on…
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.