Verbally 69ing With A Psychic
Posted on March 29, 2007
I hesitated writing anything else about the party with the psychic, but only because there was some very personal information related during my session. Does one ever really know what will find its way out into the light of day…or at least a brightly lit room? Heck no! There are things about me that I don’t even acknowledge to myself, so why would I want someone else to blab it out loud? Such information should remain personal. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. So, in the name artistic integrity…of some kind anyway…I’ll start at the beginning of the session and work my way forward.
Moi: I’ve never done this before, so I’m a little nervous.
Psychic: You’ve said that to a great many men before.
Moi: I…I have not!
Psychic: Does the name Randy mean anything to you?
Psychic: And Keith? Does the name Keith ring a bell?
Moi: Okay, I might have said it a couple of times.
Moi: Fine. Three or four times tops.
Moi: Look, whatever works, right? I have needs.
Psychic: And you’re gay.
Moi: Gee, highlights, exquisite smelling expensive bath and body gel, clothes with designer labels and a sharp tongue combined with your long list of names. Are you sure I’m not being too subtle?
Psychic: I see you have a fondness for things Asian.
Moi: Like food and Asian culture? I’ve been overseas a couple of times and I order Chinese once a week. It’s yummy.
Psychic: Asian men.
Moi: Man. Asian man. My partner is Asian. I like him, he likes me and I would never even consider messing around with another…
Moi: Well, fine, he was Asian, but he was before my partner.
Moi: I never slept with Brandon Lee!
Psychic: Not for lack of trying.
Moi: You’re just a… Have you been talking to my mother? Not everything in my life is about sex and Asians. You must be seeing more than that. I mean…there is more to my life than being gay.
Psychic: I do see something else.
Moi: Good. Now we’re talking.
Psychic: I see lights…you…something golden…a shower…a golden shower…
Moi: Knock it off. That was me playing Laser Tag during a thunderstorm.
Moi: That was the laser. I made player of the month and got to use the…
Moi: Something funny?
Psychic: A man your age playing Laser Tag!
Moi: Lots of people my age and older play and at least I don’t get shot by Party Princess.
Psychic: I have to call Sylvia Browne and tell her that one.
Moi: Good. She can tell you what I’m thinking about right now.
Psychic: Tea bagging.
Moi: Tea bags! I’m thirsty for tea. I’m a tea drinker. I drink tea. In fact, I usually drink a cup of it while I’m watching…
Moi: Rimmer! Jesus, woman. Rimmer. It’s a character on Red Dwarf. I mean…okay…if you’re going to be stuck on this particular topic, could you at least look into the future at my partner and I so I know what to expect?
Psychic: As you wish. Oh…oh…I can see your partner! I see him as clear as day, but not you.
Moi: That can’t be good. I have to be there. I’m always there. If I’m not, tell me where he is so I can go there!
Psychic: Oh, there you are.
Moi: See? There I am. I’m…where? Where am I?
Psychic: On the bottom.
Moi: Some things never change.
It was then that the conversation turned towards my career. Again, however, that is a tale for another time.
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.
2 Responses to “Classic Blog Post: Verbally 69ing With A Psychic”
May 21, 2011 at 10:12 am
It is hard not to think of sex when someone starts listing off partners isn’t it? Hope you enjoy Rapture day!
May 21, 2011 at 10:18 am
The two blogs could definitely make for a solid scene in a book one day. Lol