A Half Asian and His Gweilo in New York Part IV: The Gay Wedding
Posted on March 8, 2012
Ralph calls me verbose, but then I just stretched a single blog post into four, plus there will be a fifth discussing our post-wedding exploits. Okay, I might be a tiny bit verbose. It doesn’t matter, though. It just doesn’t. Why? Because we’ve arrived at the day a half Asian gave up his right after 17 years to pretend he could be footloose and fancy free whenever we weren’t together in the same state…or country as the case has been. But he gained me! Legally that is. As for me, I gave up 17 years of esteem issues wondering if I was worth marrying and being with. And what did I gain? A Grandmother-in-law who will give me esteem issues wondering how long she’ll let me live. Oh, and half of everything Ralph owns! Sorry. It just really freaks him out when I say that. heh heh heh Ooh, I found my G-spot!
I was the first to rise that Wednesday morning and while everybody else tossed, turned and tried to think of reasons to stay in bed, I wetted my hair down and met Miss Kim downstairs for breakfast. She informed me that my guy had worked really hard on his vows and she was quite pleased with how she felt the event would unfold. I took the opportunity not only to thank her, but also to remind her that should she attempt to play a practical joke on me during the ceremony, especially since my mother would be watching, that I would make a little phone call. “You will know pain. You will know fear. And then you will die!” Those words were originally going to be Ralph’s vows recited to me, so I could felt I could borrow them for her. Heck, he borrowed them from Babylon 5, the little hack.
The next couple of hours were spent showering, getting dressed and me asking for help tying my tie. Hey, I only wear one twice a year if I’m forced to, which is also why I only own two ties. One is from Marks & Spencer, so at least I have good taste. Ralph also looks approvingly at the suit I bought, so all is well. His mother fusses a bit with which dress blouse she should wear, then we all stand around somewhat nervously. Nobody wants to say it, but we’re all waiting for Alan Funt to knock on the door and inform us we’re on Candid Camera! It doesn’t happen, though, and we soon head downstairs, meet Miss Kim along the way and hail a taxi.
Our friends are waiting for us at Rabbi Steve’s office when we arrive. They surprise us by bringing boutonnieres for the four men and wrist corsages for soon-to-be-mother-in-law and Miss Kim. My own mother–who’s at my flat–signs onto Gmail and calls Ralph’s phone using Gmail video chat. We set the phone up on a table and make sure she can see and hear everything, then everybody else mans the cameras and bloggies to take video footage.
It’s time to begin.
This is the first time my guy and I have been center stage for pretty much anything. We do well in supporting roles and being the comedic sidekicks, but in the spotlight? We giggle. And when Rabbi Steve mentions the word “respect” in relation to the 17 years we’ve spent together, Ralph starts laughing to the point where our poor officiate needs an explanation. I tell him that it’s just a nervous reaction. It’s a lie, but it’s a believable lie. Ralph just thinks it’s funny that someone would assume he’s outwardly respectful where I’m concerned and, no, he’s not being mean. It really is funny. Rabbi Steve continues and mentions the word “respect” again. Ralph loses it again and the look I give him is classic. It’s like “Really? Again?” We settle down after that.
Finally, it’s time for our vows. I go first and though my voice cracks and I almost lose it several times, I make it through. Here’s what I said to him:
“I’ve looked in your eyes during the past 17 years and always found the better part of me reflected back. You’ve been my friend, my confidant, playful instigator, muse, the only love of my life and, now, my husband. You are the melody of my soul and keeper of my heart. I can only promise to continue standing with you when you want it, be a source of strength when you need it, keep you laughing when you’ll have it, and shine as brightly as you’ll let me. I am yours.”
And what he said to me:
“K, I have been in awe of you since we first met. Over the past 17 years as friends, partners and soul mates, there hasn’t been anything we haven’t been able to accomplish as one. I promise to love and cherish you for the rest of our lives together.”
He keeps it together, too.
Rabbi Steven signals that it’s time for the rings and the look on Ralph’s face as he tries to remember whether or not he has my ring is absolutely priceless! I put his ring on him, repeat things I don’t quite remember because I was a ball of nerves, though I suspect Rabbi Steve may have had a little bribe money thrown his way to include a few choice words about obeying my guy until death do us part. Ralph puts my ring on me, says his peace, doesn’t mention anything about obeying, and we’re officially announced as “partners in life.” We like that. It has a ring to it.
Oh, and we have a very quick little kiss to seal the deal, which is the most action I’ve had in three months. I catch my mother-in-law eying me the entire time, but I’m too happy to care. I’m family now!
We all sign the marriage license, say good-bye to my mother and Rabbi Steve, then take taxis down to Chinatown for our little luncheon. The food at Red Egg is quite good and we have a delightful dim sum! Stories of how Ralph and I met, how our friends met, how my friends and I met, our temperaments, pranks I’ve played on Miss Kim and other amusing bits are shared throughout the meal.
If there’s a downside to the day, it’s that Miss Kim has a flight back home in a few hours. Our friends head out in one direction and the three of us grab a taxi back to the hotel so Kim can gather her luggage. We see her off, then go upstairs to change. It all seems very surreal to us and the incredible highs we felt during the day are starting to come down a little because every bit of planning has come to pass, every detail seen to and we’re now on our way.
Mother-in-law asks somewhat meekly if we’d like her to go downstairs for 10 minutes so we can have some privacy. Ralph tells her “no” emphatically more times than I can properly count. He blushes. I pipe up with “You obviously don’t know your son that well if you think he can last 10 minutes.”
And that’s the story of the day we got married.
If you missed Part 1, here you go: My Tiny Skinny Half Asian Wedding Part 1: Pre-New York
And if you missed Part 2, then by all means, please check it out, too: Operation Brotox: A Gay Wedding In New York Part II
Plus, if you read the first two, then missed part 3, let’s catch up, shall we? Kris & Ralph Take Manhattan: A Gay Wedding In New York Part 3-D
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.
7 Responses to “A Half Asian and His Gweilo in New York Part IV: The Gay Wedding”
Eddie Lam says:
March 8, 2012 at 8:25 am
It was a very nice and sweet vow. I am impressed that Ralph memorized his speech. It’s time for me to think mine 🙂 It is a very nice way to rewrite your memory. Thank you for the laugh.
March 8, 2012 at 1:47 pm
I was blown away that he memorized it. I should have, but I didn’t want to mess it up and I was nervous. Couldn’t have made the day go by as well as it did without yours and Mark’s help! Thank you so much. =)
Dorien Grey says:
March 8, 2012 at 8:51 am
Only you, Kris Gair…..
March 8, 2012 at 1:48 pm
Would you expect any less, D?
March 8, 2012 at 9:26 am
Beautiful. I am so happy for you!
Hugh Yeman says:
March 8, 2012 at 2:48 pm
*clap clap clap*
March 8, 2012 at 10:32 pm