Battle Beyond The Snores II: The Sleeptalker

Posted on June 7, 2012

Infinite space… Infinite terror… Not a chance! I’ve always wanted to use that tagline for a book and I have one in mind, only it’s about 5 books away from being written. Jumping the gun a bit? Maybe. It’s been that kind of a week. Sorry about the cliffhanger Monday thing. Dad has had a couple of rough spots over the last month and they’re not getting what I’d call any easier. So, the husband and I have been discussing it, discussing it some more and finally decided that we were in a position to have me resign from my job in order to spend more time helping mum. I don’t expect this to be permanent, but we’ll see how things go. It’s in my nature to pull my weight, so let’s see what I can bring to the table for now. But enough about that. You’ve GOT to hear about the conversation a jetlagged, sleeptalking Ralph and I had this morning when I called to wake him up.

I’ve written before about how my guy is happiest when he’s sleeping. Truth be told, there are days I’m happiest when he’s sleeping, too. He looks like an angel, but he sounds like an angry, erupting volcano. He’s the same way when he sleeps. And waking him up in the morning is a real treat. You see, he’s adapted to my wake-up calls and his subconscious has actually created a series of lifelike responses that make it seem as if he’s lucid, only he hasn’t quite perfected them. This means if I dig a little deeper–which he’ll realize I’m doing and try to circumvent me by cutting the conversation short–the façade falls apart. Then there are days like yesterday morning.

Ralph: Good morning.
Moi: Good morning, my little luv lobster. How’d you sleep?
Ralph: Eh. Kinda out of it.
Moi: Me, too. The alarm went off and I was totally discombobulated.
Ralph: I know. I saw you.
Moi: I stumbled around for a few… Wait. What?
Ralph: I said I saw you.
Moi: That’s what I thought you said. How exactly did you see me?
Ralph: I saw you getting dressed before you left.
Moi: What?
Ralph: I saw you getting dressed. At least I think you were getting dressed. I was looking over the side of the building when you came out and you were putting your shirt on.
Moi: Are we having the same conversation?
Ralph: Hello? Pretty sure we are.

At this point, I figure either he’s still asleep or I am.

Moi: How exactly could you see me?
Ralph: Why do you keep asking me that? (annoyed) I’ve been watching you get dressed for the last couple of days.
Moi: Uh, huh.

His own façade fooled him. Not me, but him. And boy oh, boy is his Chinese side going to be pissed off when he realizes it! It’s not often this sort of thing happens, but it’s quite fun for me when it does.

So there we are. We’re all caught up for a Thursday. Today is my last day on the job and when I leave, I start the next chapter in life with my parents, my husband and finishing the next book. I’m also getting a haircut and highlight on Friday, plus, if I’m lucky, treating myself to seeing Prometheus. Anybody want to treat the unemployed author to a hot buttered popcorn?

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Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.

10 Responses to “Battle Beyond The Snores II: The Sleeptalker”

Vastine Bondurant says:
June 7, 2012 at 7:08 am
Er..wait…did you say Jerry Goldsmith? You mean the musical score composer of so many great films?

Sorry…back to you…lol.

Good luck on your change. A big one, but all will be well for you, I just know.

Interesting about Ralph. Hmm….Or IS he out of it? LOL…

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Kris says:
June 8, 2012 at 5:35 pm
The jury is still out whether or not he’s out of it.

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Roberto says:
June 7, 2012 at 9:06 am
yup… I’ve been on Ralph’s side of the fence all my life. BF is highly amused at how creative I can get while ‘out of it’. In case you need a faster response and awake… ask him for a date, phone number, someone’s age… anything with numbers will annoy the hell out of him enough to wake him up. In the meantime, for fun, just ask him about his trip to Neverland with Cher, I’m sure you will have the time of your life…

peace!
Roberto

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Kris says:
June 8, 2012 at 5:36 pm
I tend to get mixed messages from him. He complains and becomes very terse with me about not needing to call and get him out of bed, yet he’ll call later on that night and thank me for doing it. He’ll even tell me what time he needs to be up the rest of the week. But come that next morning? I swear I live with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hoang.

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sue laybourn says:
June 7, 2012 at 12:06 pm
I love your blog posts so much.

Good luck with the big step. I hope it works out for all of you.

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Kris says:
June 8, 2012 at 5:37 pm
Thank you, Sue! That means a great deal to me to hear that someone gets a little amusement out of my ramblings. Believe me, I’m trying to see a lighter side to everything as best I can these days.

Hug noises!

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Tom says:
June 7, 2012 at 12:26 pm
Oh Kris, that is so funny. My ex, Sam, used to do the same thing. He would start these off the wall conversations about things and I got to where I would just encourage him. Then he would go back to sleep and not remember a word of it.

When I met his family, his sister told me she used to do the same thing to him.

I’ll buy the popcorn AND candy!

Tom

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Kris says:
June 8, 2012 at 5:38 pm
There are some mornings when I’ll respond to him when he’s talking, then others when I tell him to turn over and shut up. It’s the only time I’m allowed to order him around since, when he wakes up, he doesn’t know if he actually dreamed it or not.

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Sue Brown says:
June 7, 2012 at 3:13 pm
Poor Ralph. I sympathise. I talk in my sleep too and people always make fun of me.

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Kris says:
June 8, 2012 at 5:38 pm
With reason, I’m sure. Lol