Club For Blue-Eyed People Attacked By Extremist Catholic Filipinos

Posted on June 16, 2016

Imagine for a moment attending a nightclub for people who have blue eyes, and someone walks onto the dance floor, pulls out an assault shotgun and another handgun, and kills fifty attendees. The response from Fundamental Evangelical Christian groups is “The group is unnatural, so they’ve reaped what they sewed.” Politicians immediately take to denouncing the violence at the club without mentioning the folks attending had blue eyes, and use the opportunity to blame President Obama for letting extremist Catholic Filipino terrorists into the country because their version of a Holy Book says “You shall not lie with someone who has blue eyes as one lies with someone who doesn’t have blue eyes; it is an abomination.” Meanwhile, Rep. Pete Sessions states he was told (because this absolves him for getting it wrong) that the “Hottest Place For People With Blue Eyes” may have only had a couple people with blue eyes there, but that there were mostly Latinos in attendance.

Are you able to see the absolute and complete absurdity of what I just wrote? Even I don’t know where to begin pulling it apart and figuring out which bit is more insulting than another. Incidentally, I used extremist Catholic Filipino terrorists as an example of just how absurd this post is going to be…because there is no such thing.

So let’s take it further, shall we?

Pat Robertson, the voice of logic, vision and divine knowledge of God, gets on his television show and has some thoughts about the issue. He believes that liberals currently face a dilemma because they love both their extremist Catholic Filipinos, and people with blue eyes. The problem is the extremists’ religion states having blue eyes in the Philippines or anywhere else in the world is punishable by death. Robertson states: “The left is having a dilemma of major proportions and I think for those of us who disagree with some of their policies, the best thing to do is to sit on the sidelines and let them kill themselves.”

And by ‘kill themselves,’ he means something else. The 700 Club releases this statement a short time later: “Dr. Robertson’s commentary today about the left, blue-eyed and Catholic Filipino communities was clearly referring to politics – killing themselves politically. Any attempt by extreme left wing bloggers to portray these comments in another context is disingenuous.”

Yes, because it couldn’t possibly be taken out of context or taken at face value.

And social media explodes with little gems like this: Florida Blue-Eyed “club attacked I’m so happy someone decided to start shooting perverts instead of innocent people,” 50 blue-eyed “people died in a nightclub that’s what you call an effective shooting good shit ‘blue-eyed people’ don’t deserve to live,” or “I as an individual would congratulate and give thump up to the brother who killed filthy ‘blue-eyes people’ at #orlando shooting.”

And yes, someone really actually “thump” instead of “thumb.” Auto-correct is a blessing and a curse when typing on a phone these days. Or they just didn’t know the difference.

Seeing this asinine analogy through, do you know what I’ve never seen or heard? Someone with blue eyes saying someone with different colored eyes deserved to get killed in a terrorist attack, that someone with green or brown eyes reaped what they’ve sewed. I haven’t seen a single person with blue eyes say “I fear Filipinos” because of the recent attack. I haven’t seen people with blue-eyes get on their blogs, pull nonsensical blatherings out of their ass attacking the opposite political party because they like the sound of their own voice…or they want the attention, I’m honestly not sure which.

What I am seeing by people with blue eyes and our friends who don’t have blue eyes are pleas to address the actual problem. No moments of silence. Instead, moments of action. Acknowledgement. I’m seeing pleas for acknowledgement that this attack happened on a minority of human beings BECAUSE they have blue eyes. We’re not looking for an empty sound byte from a Presidential candidate who’s already stated their opposition to people with blue eyes, or a ridiculous tweet that has no basis in reality.

People with blue eyes exist. People with blue eyes are born every day. We get married. We adopt and raise children. Some of us have children of our own. We work alongside you. We cry alongside you. We bleed alongside you. It’s time to put away your prejudices, put your big boy or big girl pants on, and stop making it an issue.

PS In the interest of full disclosure, there are three things you should know about me. First, I have blue eyes. Second, I’m gay. And, third, I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t say I probably wouldn’t shed a tear if a meteor fell from the sky and landed on the Westboro Church headquarters while each and every adult member was inside. Fortunately, I don’t believe I’m alone in my thinking with #3.

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Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.

4 Responses to “Club For Blue-Eyed People Attacked By Extremist Catholic Filipinos”

Eddie Lam says:
June 16, 2016 at 8:31 am
LoL. I was laughing out loud when you use blue eyes as a comparison to gay. Not because it is just funny, it sounds ridiculous. For those church group who saying gay people are disgusting, they are also ridiculous. I just wonder what make they think they are more superior than us. Whenever I turn on the news and hear the extremist talking about what bible said, it just made me mad. People tend to interpret to their own version.

But don’t laugh, in old China, people with blue eyes we called gweilo. You probably have been killed already. =) sound ridiculous? Very!

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Kris says:
June 16, 2016 at 10:15 am
Moi? Killed because of blue eyes? I would need a hero to save me. Are there any Chinese super heroes?

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Brent Seth says:
June 16, 2016 at 9:02 am
Excellent analogy. Indeed, human bigotry rests on factors every bit as absurd as those in your scenario.

I’ve been trying to tell myself that things have gotten better in my lifetime, but sometimes it hard to tell. Progress does move forward, but at glacial speed.

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Kris says:
June 16, 2016 at 10:14 am
It is very, very difficult to admit that things are better. Why? Because the opposition has evolved. This is a very different world from when I was in high school and college. I couldn’t be who I was back then, but people that age now can. But as times have evolved, so has opposition to our existence. That’s what makes it harder, I think.