Guess What? I’m Dipped In Honey!

Posted on July 30, 2012

I remember being fascinated by certain people, usually actors, throughout my life. What did they eat? What did they drink? What did they like for dessert? What TV shows did they watch? Did they listen to Abba, too? I was 7. Naturally, the questions changed as I grew older. What did their staff make them to eat? What good wine could they afford to drink? What TV shows were they on that had potential to make it to series if they weren’t in movies? It was important to know in order to put my mind at ease. How else would they be able to take care of me in the way I wanted? And, finally, were they any good in bed? Obviously they wouldn’t be as talented as me. I was 8.

Celebrities have stopped fascinating me in that same way since then. I’ve met a number of them and they’re just like everybody else. The good ones even want to be treated just like everybody else. You do get your prima donnas, though. Sunglasses indoors? Really? Fortunately, they’re rare. But I did start questioning what it is about someone, not just celebrities, that fascinates me in some way today. Is it the way they look? Is it their body language? Is it the sound of their voice? Their hands? And let’s be honest here for a moment, the sound of one’s voice and a well-manicured set of hands can be very enticing! It’s probably a number of combinations of these and more.

We all have our likes, dislikes and even a few fetishes thrown in for good measure. And no, I’m not going to get into mine here. You want to share a few of yours? If so, I might be willing to share a few of mine. =) But that’s a conversation for a later time.

The very odd thing here isn’t so much who fascinates us–and that can be odd–but rather what happens when we fascinate someone else. Chances are we don’t even know when it happens. We have no clue. And just as we keep it to ourselves, they keep it to themselves, too. Even more bizarre yet, we’re utterly perplexed that someone would even interest themselves in us because there’s no fathomable reason why someone should be remotely curious about our existence. Or is that just low self-esteem on my part talking?

A friend of mine made the comment last week that some people act like I’m dipped in honey. This totally cracks me up because, first, do you have any idea how difficult it would be to get honey off in the shower? It’d take too long. Not gonna do it and I’m not going to let anyone else do it for me either. Heck, I’d bought edible underwear for the hubby once a very long time ago as a gag gift knowing full well he’d never wear it. The stuff is like a fruit roll-up. Not that he ever put it on just to show me he wasn’t afraid to be kinky.

The shit wore my tongue out trying to get it off his skin once it warmed up.

But, it’s true. Some people are going to be fascinated by us…which is uncomfortable. We’re supposed to be the watchers, not the watched. Would you want to know? I’m not even sure I’d want to know. Okay, I might want to know. Maybe just a hint. Or a Blu-Ray. Or a subtle hint. Something.

I ended up marrying someone who fascinated me. He still does. And the others who I’ve met over the years, including celebrities? I’m polite, friendly, conversational and everything someone should be who doesn’t want or need security called on them. Besides, with the exception of the hubby, the fascination soon subsides. Or, better yet, it turns into something else, namely a friendship.

Seriously, though, dipped in honey? Okay, I can kinda see it. I’m toooootally lickable after showering with a nice Marks & Spencer bath & body gel.

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Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.

12 Responses to “Guess What? I’m Dipped In Honey!”

Sharita Lira says:
July 30, 2012 at 8:01 am
LOL Great blog as always Kris. Honey would be a bitch to get off but damn fun!

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Kris says:
July 31, 2012 at 6:54 am
I’d be worried if it took my hair off while it was at it.

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Bobbie B says:
July 30, 2012 at 8:02 am
*snicker* Thank you for the good laugh this morning Kris!

I don’t think you are “dipped in honey”, but I enjoy your wit and sense of humor. It has brightened many a day.

Being the mom of a special needs child, I am trained to do many things. People treat me like a know-it-all (God knows I can be one) simply because I can make those things look easy.

Happy Monday!!

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Kris says:
July 31, 2012 at 6:55 am
Believe me when I say I’m glad she said I was dipped in honey instead of olive oil. I tried that once and while my skin had a silky sheen for several days, it also wouldn’t come off in the shower for several days. I literally slid off of everything if I didn’t put clothes on.

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jane says:
July 30, 2012 at 9:55 am
you have a nack of making me smile.

and i agree about the sunglasses indoors = prima dona… oh but wait, i’m almost sure i’ve seen that some where recently *looks at profile picture* lol only teasing.

love this as always,

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Kris says:
July 31, 2012 at 6:56 am
Now, now. I was outdoors in the profile pic. 😛 That was a book fair. I’d be afraid to wear sunglasses indoors for fear of bumping into everything.

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Carah says:
July 30, 2012 at 10:29 am
You fascinate me….um, I mean your HUMOR is always wonderful Kris. *mumbles under breath* He’s going to think I’m a stalker.

I smile and you make me feel better about everything. And I have to agree, though someone would have to twist my arm to get me to admit who I’m fascinated by. *grins*

Great post as always….keep them coming!! …and not gutter-thinking…

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Kris says:
July 31, 2012 at 6:57 am
I’ve had a few requests to dissect my brain to figure out where some of this crap comes from. lol I don’t think they’d have much lucky finding it. Or my brain.

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Katherine T. says:
July 30, 2012 at 2:54 pm
Dipped in honey—— not my idea of delish. Chocolate, on the other hand——LOL! Besides, dipped in honey=covered in ants sooner or later. Yuck!!
Great blog that made me giggle just a little. That’s a plus in my book. 😉

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Kris says:
July 31, 2012 at 6:58 am
Chocolate sauce… Hmm. I may have to pick some up.

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Holly says:
July 30, 2012 at 6:57 pm
I will someday learn that any words that come out of my mouth are fair blog fodder. Tell a guy he’s dipped in honey once and you pay for it forever. I knew I should have stuck with Asian nip.

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Kris says:
July 31, 2012 at 6:59 am
Hmm… Asian nip? So I’m dangled in front of Asians and they just go wild? I now know how rumors start. 😛 lol