Kristoffer Gair

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How We Roll

Posted On December 10, 2015

How We Roll

Posted on December 10, 2015


I’m not sure why, but this time of year usually finds more people than usual inquiring about our living arrangements here. They like to call it curiosity. The Chinese have a better word for it; nosey. The hubs, sadly, works out of state and is only able to make it home every two months, sometimes more frequently and sometimes less. We get to spend our holidays together, vacations, and, sometimes, emergencies if one crops up. Many have said they wouldn’t be able to handle that kind of arrangement, and they question how we can. I think the answer is quite simple; practice. We’ve been doing it this way for eighteen years.

If you think about it, how often do you get to see your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/person-who-tells-you-what-to-do during the week anyway? Maybe for dinner, a short chat, make out some bills, and then bed. That would be the typical. Weekends might be different for those who have weekends off. Many don’t. I figure I chat with the hubs during the day either on the phone or via text if we’ve got a particularly busy day. I call it touching base. He calls it torture. If he wants peace and quiet after work, he has it. If I want it, so do I.

Obviously, a big perk in a relationship is the physical factor. We’re hopefully with someone we’re attracted to, and we enjoy it when they touch us in the way we like…or have instructed them to because they were doing it wrong so many times that it honestly forced us to help them get it right. I usually pick my husband up at the airport quite late when he flies in. He gets in the vehicle, looks at me, I look at him, and then he utters those sweet words I long to hear him say; “Why aren’t we moving? I want a cup of tea.”

We finally arrive home, he meanders around, unpacks things, surfs for deals on clothes on a laptop, takes a shower, and then joins me in bed. This inevitably leads to a conversation about nocturnal proclivities.

Moi: Do you wanna?
Husband: Doesn’t it feel like we already did?
Moi: I don’t follow your meaning.
Husband: How do you feel right now?
Moi: Overtired, exhausted, and slightly irritable.
Husband: See? It’s just like we actually had sex. Was it good for you?
Moi: It was better for you.
Husband: Then it’s exactly like we just had sex.

It’s then he turns over, closes his eyes, and, after a couple of minutes, starts to snore.

I love spending Christmas with him, though. He loves the decorations, the lights, and is content to lie down on the couch with a laptop, cup of tea, and nap. We also have a Christmas tradition where, on Christmas Eve, we get into bed and I reach down next to my side of the bed and bring up whatever Christmas gifts I bought for him that I was under strict orders not to. I listen well. I’m good like that. And it makes him growl. Then, before he starts to open his gifts, I ask him for mine. He reaches down next to his side of the bed and brings up whatever I’ve bought and wrapped for myself.

It makes him smile when I do this. He sometimes even giggles. And then we start off with a new year all over again.

That’s how we roll and it works for us.

________________________
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.

2 Responses to “How We Roll”

Reply
Katherine Trick says:
December 10, 2015 at 10:50 am
I’ve always said—– “whatever makes your boat float” , or something to that effect. Every relationship is different and whatever makes mine work might not for someone else. What matters is that your relationship works for the 2 of you and you’re happy. No one should judge.
I hope you and HH have an enjoyable time together this holiday season and that Santa brings you what’s on your wish list.

Reply
LuvWarrior says:
December 10, 2015 at 11:32 am
He says the sweetest things.


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Meet Kristoffer

Michigan-based author Kristoffer Gair wrote his first puppet play in 1st Grade and continued writing in one form or another from that point on. Much of it was crap, but there were tiny nuggets of potential mixed in with the likes of Pickle Pony Gets A Puzzle. He spent three of his years at Fraser High School performing in plays, then attended Grand Valley State University where he graduated with degrees in Film & Video and Creative Writing.

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