I May Be Fragile, But My Friend From San Diego Will Roger You Senseless!
Posted on June 13, 2011
A friend from San Diego flew in a week and a half ago to attend our Pride Fest and he stayed with me for a couple of days. Wonderful guest, too! Then again, I’ll say that about anybody who likes what I make for breakfast; Banana Split pancakes. But the stories he tells… That man should be writing m4m novels, let me tell you. Or, rather, he ought to be telling you. I get claustrophobic shorts just thinking about it! (Kidding, Eric. Love you platonically. Mean it.)
In any case, we had a discussion on the way back to the airport about relationships, expectations and misconceptions that took a couple of interesting turns. Lady Gaga’s name even came up. I believe we were talking about some of the bigger names speaking out in favor of gay rights versus those who are perceived to be speaking out. For instance, Madonna. Would love to hear another album from her–preferably a more consistent sounding album than we’ve heard lately–but she’s perceived to do more for the gay community and her gay fans than she actually does.
Not that she has to do anything at all, mind you, though we certainly did have a hand in her lasting popularity throughout the rough years. Yet, if you compare her to Lady Gaga, there’s a world of difference. You don’t have to like Lady Gaga or her music, but (if you’re gay) you really do have to give her credit and respect for making herself heard on our behalf. I sometimes think she’s doing a better job of it than some of us are doing for ourselves.
I think Eric trailed off bragging about one of his armed forces guys again after that. It’s convoluted, but the details were so explicit that even I had issues walking properly after I got out of the vehicle.
As for expectations and misconceptions, I’ll bring it a little closer to home. My guy has been experiencing some extremely rough turbulence at work due to a position he’s been offered within the company. His boss hasn’t taken it well at all and has no qualms about making his displeasure known while ratcheting up the stress level. It’s the worst I’ve ever seen it and that’s when I go into full support mode.
Ralph texted me a few days back and said “You’ve been an absolute solid rock these past couple of weeks. And I always thought you were the fragile one.”
It was a compliment, but it did elicit an “Oh, no, he did not just type that!” response from me. Fragile. Moi. We did discuss it this past weekend. You see, emotions have always been a source of weakness in his mind and it’s best to keep them away from other people to see. I’m the exact opposite in that if I have an emotion, chances are you’re going to know about it. Within reason, mind you. I don’t bare my soul to just anyone and that’s the point I made to him.
If he perceives me as fragile, it’s because I’ve opened up to him during our time together. If I can’t tell my partner after sixteen years together what my fears, frustrations, dreams and nightmares are, then why bother being in a relationship at all? We’re supposed to trust each other enough to bare our souls like I’ve been doing. That it surprised him when I could easily switch that off and be the rock he needed almost felt a little insulting. Just a little, though. It never occurred to me that I should be any different or that he should think of me as any different. When we need to be tough, we are. When one of us needs the other’s strength, we share. When one of us needs to vent, we do.
He’s aware of it now. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; we don’t always like each other, no couple does, but we do love each other. No one else has ever had my heart. My eye? Please, I’m human. But they’ve never had my heart.
And with that, dear reader, it’s time I loaded this in so I can go back to beefing up my Amazon Wish List. I refuse to ever hear friend or family say they know not what I might like for my birthday. Hello? I’ll give you a hint; it’s six letters separated by a hyphen!
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.
One Response to “I May Be Fragile, But My Friend From San Diego Will Roger You Senseless!”
June 13, 2011 at 12:06 pm