OMG I Love You, Now Change! Meanwhile, the Lesbians…
Posted on April 28, 2011
One of my co-workers was telling me about his ultimate stalker. He gets up in the morning, she’s there. He goes home at night, she’s there. When he goes out with his friends, she’s there. He goes to sleep at night, she’s there. He wants to watch TV, she’s there and she makes him watch Gossip Girl with her. I reminded him that he married her, but it kinda went over his head. Odd thing, relationships. A recent Internet friend and I have been chatting about them and the undo pressures we tend to put on our loved ones in an effort to show them that they are the most important person in the entire world. Ingrates.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that gay or straight, most relationships kinda follow many of the same patterns. We meet someone, start dating, we get googly-eyed over them, want to spend every waking moment with them, tell them how much we mean to them, do EVERYTHING with them and be everything to them. We sometimes mistake that for being romantic.
Now, at this point–and I’m basing this on rumors, so please correct me if I’m wrong–the lesbians have already moved in, redecorated and swapped partners with their best friends. The rest of us, meanwhile, are intent on proving how perfect we are for each other that we start to stifle the other person. I remember doing that with Ralph and he remembers trying to pick and choose which of my friends he approved of. In all honesty, I didn’t like some of his either. A friend from college kept inviting him over to the house on weekends when the parents were gone. I smelled a rat. Okay, I wanted to remove the rat’s balls since I was pretty certain they were tiny.
Breaking the habit of trying to be so much to one person really can take its toll. Ralph is late for almost everything and he used to double and triple book appointments. So if he told me he’d “try” to meet me to see a movie, then not make it after all, I’d sit through the film and stew. I’d think that because I was still seeing it, I’d show him and he’d miss it. The truth is he didn’t miss it. He was overbooked, overworked and tired. The only person who was being punished was me and I was doing it to myself.
The lesbians have now swapped partners again, had a commitment ceremony and bought tickets for Lilith Fair.
I based my happiness on his and tried to turn myself into who I thought he wanted me to be without realizing I was moving away from who I was, who he’d fallen for. Fortunately, if we stand the test of time, have good communication and don’t react rashly, we manage to come back from this precipice. We did. It’s not something I’d ever want to go through again either.
And it’ll be interesting to see how long my co-workers wife continues to talk to him. I think it’s kinda funny, actually. More power to her!
The lesbians, meanwhile, have just adopted two children and are looking for the best pre-pre-kindergarten.
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.
4 Responses to “OMG I Love You, Now Change! Meanwhile, the Lesbians…”
Sawyer Winter says:
April 28, 2011 at 8:24 am
I’m not religious, but I’ll give this one an amen.
April 28, 2011 at 9:04 am
Hell two years later and I stormed off and had dinner by myself because Pumpkin just didn’t want to go.
cathy smith says:
April 28, 2011 at 10:58 pm
so I must admit that you made me see the light,, this is true for us “other lesbians” too,, you know the ones that aren’t replicas of the ones on the L Word??? 🙂 good blog!
April 29, 2011 at 7:24 am
I’m really going to have to watch the L Word one day, Cathy. lol Funny thing is that I have so very little an idea of who reads these blogs. I have a couple of fabulous regulars, but Google Analytics tells me I have other folks who pop in, only I don’t have a clue who they are. It’s guesswork if a blog will rub someone the right or wrong way.