Darren Hayes Marries Partner…Author Annoyed

Posted on June 19, 2006

I once saw Darren Hayes in concert back when he was with Savage Garden. Decent show, wonderful opening act (Billie Meyers) and a distinct impression he might be gay. My boyfriend, who, mind you, doesn’t have the best Gaydar in the world, even asked if Darren was gay. Did it really matter? No, but it was a brief topic of conversation.

So, Savage Garden breaks up and Darren comes out with his first solo album. I reviewed it and said some rather unkind things. Why? Because I didn’t like it. Oh, you should have seen the hate mail I received for that review. Napster was no longer the downfall of the music industry; I was. Apparently, I sucked, too. Since my partner has never expressed any dissatisfaction with that little aspect of our life together, at least I’m confident that I do it well.

Fortunately, Darren’s second album was (once again in my own humble opinion) a major leap for the better. It’s even still on my current listening CD shelf. Fine and dandy.

Today I read that Darren and his boyfriend got married in a civil ceremony in England. Not that we haven’t heard about any other media celebrities getting married over there in the last year, but this guy had the utter audacity to do it on my birthday! He couldn’t have chosen a weekend like everybody else? Oh, no. He does it on a Monday. Who picks a Monday??? I ask you. Who??? Darren’s been with his partner for 2 bloody years whereas I’ve been with my Ralph for 11 1/2, yet he gets married first? Who did I piss off in a previous life???

Do I wish Darren and his partner well? Believe it or not, I do. Do I wonder if all those people who wrote me hate mail will continue to support him? Sure. Heck, I still buy his albums even if I didn’t care for the first one. Am I just ever so slightly envious and bitter? You’re damn right I am.

Good Side of Me Says: Congratulations, Darren. May you and your partner have much happiness together, a long life and success.

Evil Side of Me Says: Kiss my ass! I want your money and popularity so I can get married, too.

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Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.