It Comes Down To Who’s Right and Who’s Wrong
Posted on March 24, 2011
I spent the day with my father this past Sunday as I do one day each weekend. He loves working on the main computer because of the large monitor, which makes seeing his word search program that much easier for him to see. The computer is the first thing he asks to see upon walking in, so I usually have it booted up for him and hot cup of green tea on the way. Dad took a break between searches this particular day and joined me in the living room. “I wish you were married and had children,” he informed me after sitting down. “Why?” I ask. “Because God doesn’t like you being the other thing.”
Now, I know that this is the Alzheimer’s talking. The disease has done some awful things to his mind, only it’s just confusing enough to me to wonder if he felt this way all those years before he developed it or if this is due to watching too many negative things on TV. I honestly don’t know and I’ll never be certain, not truly. It’s neither here or there in the grand scheme of things, though. What is? Okay.
It all comes down to a single question, doesn’t it? It all comes down to who’s right and who’s wrong. In the end, either those who feel being gay is a choice and a sin are going to discover they’ve been wrong all this time or those of us who are gay and don’t find it to be a choice or a sin are going to find out we’re wrong. That’s what it all boils down to.
I sometimes wonder if I wasn’t gay, how would I treat those who are? Would I think of them in terms of stereotypes? I used to. Would I make jokes about them behind their back? Would I knowingly have gay friends? Would I be comfortable around them? Would I understand their plight and would I even give a shit?
The United States signed onto a United Nations Gay Rights Resolution yesterday that basically stated it’s their and 84 other countries’ belief that it’s the right of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals to lead productive and dignified lives that are free from fear and violence.
Does that sound to you like asking for special rights? Does it sound like asking for something the rest of the folks in the United States don’t already have?
Yet, 66 other signatures were gathered by countries stating “[Decriminalizing homosexuality could lead] to the social normalization, and possibly the legitimization, of many deplorable acts including pedophilia.”
Right back to pedophilia. And if that made a news program my father was watching, then it could be the one thing he actually holds onto or wants to remember because it seems important to him despite not being able to put it into context. The irony is that if given the choice, there are a number of people in the United States–even people in power–who wouldn’t be bothered never to have signed on to that document despite considering our country to be at the height of sophistication and worldliness.
Someone asked this past week why Glee needed to feature a same-sex kiss. Why was it necessary to show such a thing? Because. Because despite how certain attitudes regarding this may prevail, it has always been as normal for us as watching a man and a woman kiss. The difference is that we’re asking for the same right to be seen and heard as we are.
If that ever happens, everybody will be wondering what the big deal about it ever was.
I can’t be the only one who thinks about this, though, or has an opinion. I welcome you to comment and speak your heart.
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.
8 Responses to “It Comes Down To Who’s Right and Who’s Wrong”
March 24, 2011 at 8:36 am
Kris, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. I’ve heard Alzheimer’s can bring out some pretty erratic, disconcerting behavior in the ones we love, that it’s not just about loss of memory. I would say he doesn’t know any better. Whether it’s the disease or not; he just doesn’t know any better. That is so very sad. But I’m fairly confident there is only one “kind” God doesn’t like, and that’s the purposely hateful. I’m not saying your father is being hateful! But yeah, in his confusion, sickness related or not, he may have been influenced by media from those who are. At least, that’s my best guess. Hang in there, it’s a valiant good work to be of comfort to those we are losing to Alzheimer’s, even as they bewilder and sadden us sometimes beyond belief. <3 <3
March 24, 2011 at 8:37 am
(those weird symbols at end were supposed to show up as hearts.)
March 24, 2011 at 8:50 am
Just to be absolutely clear, I am also quite certain that homosexuality is no sin. If we are to suppose that God made us in his image (if we believe in God, which I don’t fault anyone for, pro or con, because I believe we are not meant to know anything with certainty beyond this world), then we cannot believe he made about 10% of us to identify with the homosexual end of the continuum. A continuum with heterosexuality on the far other end, with some of us living somewhere in between the two. That’s an intellectual theory, it’s up for debate, but in any case, I realized my above comment might be taken as one of those “hate the sin, not the sinner” types, and while that’s a lovely sentiment, it doesn’t apply for me to homosexuality, as I can not believe it is in any way shape or form a sin.
March 24, 2011 at 9:09 am
In one of my research papers for my class, I wrote about the overturning of same sex mariage laws. I have always thought that being homosexual is genetic and personally wouldn’t have chosen to be homosexual. Not that I am ashamed of myself in any way; I just would have prefered to not have stereotypes thrusted upon me whenever people find out that I am gay. The good news is that my research has shown an increase in the acceptance of homosexuality, yet I feel the understanding is still lacking.
Ravenfire David says:
March 24, 2011 at 10:41 am
I believe its a genetic feature. I was unaware that the united Nations had such a Gay Rights Resolution. I’m happy the united states has signed such a document. The kiss from glee I see as a way of telling the world that we are people. We feel emotions just as straight people and we love just as straight people do. slowly industries and government are becoming more accepting. But its people, humans, that needs to become more accepting. By the very least understanding. We homosexual do exist . We bleed, we feel, we hurt, we smile, we cry, we love, we dislike, we have morals. We are human just like heterosexuals.
Z.A. Maxfield says:
March 24, 2011 at 12:36 pm
When I told the head of my local church that I would resist, and not allow my children to participate in any Proposition 8 support activities, and that I would continue a dialogue with them and anyone else about how utterly wrong the discrimination against the GLBTQ community felt to me, he said the same old same old about God and the bible.
I told him I believe twenty years from now (hopefully sooner) we would sit across the same desk from one another, if we’re both still alive, and his face would be red when he remembered the beliefs he held, just as some other issues of prejudice probably embarrass him now.
People used to believe if a man was left handed it meant that he was evil. The shame is we have to re-visit the entire dance of prejudice and that a change of heart is still as seemingly impossible, and fraught with such awful behavior in the mean time, every time we face it.
I’m so sorry your dad reacted that way though. That has to hurt.
Janet Sidelinger says:
March 24, 2011 at 3:13 pm
Your patience and compassion for your father is honorable (as my Japanese family would say). My aging mother says things sometimes that come out of left field (actually, right field next to FOX) and she doesn’t have Alzheimer. I find myself lacking completely in patience and understanding, so my admiration and respect for you is quite genuine. I personally do not believe in the right side or wrong side of God. What bothers me as a Christian is the arrogance and presumption that anyone knows what God’s will is – He’s God – you are not. Where do you get off knowing what He could possibly be thinking other than who the hell do you think you are? What I do know is that Christian means you believe in the teachings of Christ…remember, the one who said that his commandment was to love one another? Are you then not going against “God’s will” when you choose not to love one another? With that said, it seems to be part of the human condition that we are uncomfortable with those that are different than ourselves. In Japan, I am not considered Japanese because of my mixed heritage. In the United States, I was not considered White because of mixed heritage. I always felt an outsider, but it is exactly this sense of being an outsider that allowed me to empathize with a community that is considered different. You are who you are – you love who you love – the only wrong side is the condemnation of others solely based on differences.
March 28, 2011 at 11:53 am
A huge thank you to all the folks who left feedback on here and on Facebook. I apologize for not posting this before now, but it was a little crazy last week getting ready for the NYC trip. In fact, that’s what I blogged about today. It’s a bit lighter than this one, which is probably a good thing. =) Hugs to you.