I’ve Never Gone Anywhere! Well, except London, Germany, Japan…

Posted on June 11, 2012

I’ve had a pet side-project I’ve been wanting to work on for the last two years and I finally started it over the weekend. For those of you who haven’t already seen them, I scanned in and posted on Facebook a substantial number of pictures from over the years and there’s a huge number of them left to go. Going through them has not only been a bit nostalgic, but it’s also served as a reminder of who I am today based on where I’ve been. So, I figured I’d scan a few more in today as a teaser of things to come that aren’t currently posted anywhere yet. I also suspect it’ll give me a few stories to share in blog posts. And speaking of sharing, I’m including a little note at the end here that I sent out last week just before I left work for the last time. Want to know how somebody who writes comedy signs off? You will.

It amazes me that there are days I think I haven’t really gone anywhere or done anything. I’m totally wrong and these pictures prove it. The first trip I ever took of any distance turned out to be one where I flew by myself. I went to California to stay with my Great Aunt and Uncle for a week and a half. Then there was a trip to Washington D.C. for a program called Close-Up during my junior year. Can you believe that a worker at the hotel magazine store actually sold me a pornographic magazine? I don’t know why I ever accepted that dare and I have no idea why he sold it to me. I’d completely forgotten about until as of this writing.

It wasn’t until I graduated from high school that I took another big trip. This one was to Germany for six weeks. I’d met an exchange student in 12th grade, we hit it off as friends and after my family took him all over the state, his family invited me back with him. They took me to Munich, parts of Bavaria, the Black Forest area, Austria and Switzerland. I’ve never made it back to any of these places again, but perhaps one day.

The trips to Mackinac I took during college somehow don’t really compare to going overseas. The funny thing now is looking back a the pictures and seeing how cool my friends and I were trying to be because we were ‘college boys’. lol Case in point is the picture here.

Once I started dating Ralph, we’d head to Chicago, Toronto, then Vegas and, finally, overseas. He found an incredible deal one November for a last-minute getaway to London that included airfare and hotel for two nights, all for $350 per person. We jumped at the chance! So did his mum. Now that I think about it, I think she enjoys sharing hotel rooms with us. It’s like an adult slumber party. That’s how I’d describe New York this past February. A big ol’ adult slumber party where slumber is the only thing we did with any regularity. I suspect, as a mother, it’s her duty to make sure her son doesn’t get lucky too often. Grrr…

More on other trips later. For now, I did promise to share the goodbye note I sent out with my final report at work last week. It was meant to be very tongue-in-cheek and, I felt, a nice way of ending almost 2 years there.

“It’s been a pleasure working with all…er…most…okay, a couple of you during the past (almost) two years. Maybe one of you. No, definitely a couple of you. Mostly people who aren’t here anymore. But I’m sure there’s two or three—or one—still here who I’ve thoroughly not gone home and muttered expletives about. Maybe. And let’s face it, who could ever talk trash about (withheld)? She’s the cheese! Or the ham. Ham? Ask (withheld). He’s big on the food quips.

That aside, if I was ever at a loss to inject a couple of characters in a novel with some color, working here has given me a plethora of ideas. Be on the lookout in a future book when a character innocently looks up and asks “What’s a bottleneck?” Priceless.

And this isn’t really goodbye. I don’t like goodbyes. Even (withheld) left early today so he wouldn’t have to say goodbye. That or he realized he still has my Children of the Corn Blu-Ray. But I will miss you. You, too. And you. Okay, fine, you. Not so much you. You’d I’d like to have drowned at birth. See you next week for lunch.” That, folks, is how someone who writes comedy leaves a job.

See you on Thursday for the next exciting episode!

Kris

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Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.

One Response to “I’ve Never Gone Anywhere! Well, except London, Germany, Japan…”

Dorien says:
June 11, 2012 at 9:20 am
As always enlightening, entertaining, and eminently relatable!