One Year of Being Legally Married Coming Right Up!

Posted on February 21, 2013

I’m writing this on a Wednesday and the day it goes live (today for you, Thursday) will technically still be one day shy of the 22nd. Why open with this? Because the 22nd is actually my 18th anniversary and my 1st anniversary as a legally married husband to my husband. The oddity is that, going by days of the week, today (Wednesday again for those of you getting confused) is technically the day me, my hubby, and his mother who stayed with us in our hotel room for the entire week all got dressed up, met up with Miss Kim in the elevator, took a taxi to the officiate’s office, met up with my little brother and his fiancé, established contact via video chat with my mum back home, and got hitched.

It blows my mind that a year’s gone by and it shouldn’t because the other seventeen have gone by equally as quickly. Honestly, it’s gotten to the point where I don’t remember a time when he and I haven’t been in each other’s lives. I believe that says something. We’ve gone through good, not so good, great, not so great, triumphs and struggles, yet here we still are. Some people are fond of saying that this is a choice. It is a choice. Being happy is a choice. Being gay isn’t. Who we surround ourselves with and who we walk through life with is also a choice. We just have to choose as best we can.

Something did hit home this past week regarding the whole “Hey, I’m married!” thing. I was gearing up to do my taxes, had all the paperwork out, and finally loaded the updated program. It went through, pulled last year’s information, filled in some of the blanks and inquired if there were any changes. One of the areas had to do if someone had gotten married. I had. I’m legally married…just in a handful (or two handfuls) of states. Michigan isn’t one of them. It’s in our state constitution. And even if I was married here, I’m still not legally married in the eyes of my federal government. Imagine being able to file jointly in the state, but not federal. I’d be a confused hot mess figuring that paperwork out as opposed to the standard hot mess I tend to be.

The trick to navigating this kind of (for lack of a better word) upset goes back to who you surround yourself with. I have to brag a little and tell you that the friends we’ve made in person or online prior to getting married and then over the past year are almost beyond words. They humble us. They ground us. They give us hope. And if we’re able to give back even a tenth of the love, warmth and compassion they’ve shown, then we’ll consider ourselves lucky. Because with them, my husband and I don’t need a government to agree that we’re married. We’re married in the public’s eyes and that’s what counts.

Don’t get me wrong, though. The government really does need to get its head out of its ass and recognize all the couples like us…if for no other reason that it’s because they’re really getting screwed on my return. I make a teeny tiny amount of money. My husband makes more than I do. Combined, they’d be giving us less back. Of course, that argument is completely negated because we can file separately, right? I half considered counting the 50+ fish and shrimp as dependents this year, only TurboTax told me it would raise suspicions and probably get me audited. I don’t recall seeing a definition of “child,” however. Of course, I really didn’t look that closely.

So, yeah. Marriage. Married. Loving it. Loving him.

Happy Anniversary, Ralph!

From your little wallflower,

Kristoffer

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Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.

8 Responses to “One Year of Being Legally Married Coming Right Up!”

Vastine Bondurant says:
February 21, 2013 at 9:58 am
Congratulations, Kris and Ralph!
Hugs and Love to you both!

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Kris says:
February 21, 2013 at 10:16 am
Thank you, Vastine. =) He makes it allllll worthwhile.

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Dorien says:
February 21, 2013 at 10:07 am
Happy Anniversary!

S i g h!

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Kris says:
February 21, 2013 at 10:17 am
No sighing! Count your blessings.

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sue hughes says:
February 21, 2013 at 1:18 pm
happy anniversary, a wonderful celebration of a loving relationship

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Kris says:
February 21, 2013 at 3:50 pm
Some places do chicken right. We do each other right. Err…you know what I mean.

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Katy Trick says:
February 21, 2013 at 11:11 pm
You and Ralph inspire me to be a better relationship partner and a better person. You have a wonderful dynamic between the two of you and a love that is genuine and beautiful to see. Happy anniversary to you and Ralph. May we all be so lucky to have a love like yours at least once in our lives.
Hug noises from me to you. Mwah!

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Kris says:
February 22, 2013 at 12:02 am
Thank you, Katy. =) The lad is the luv of my life.