November 9th marked the 5th year of my father’s passing. I don’t know if it’s a blessing things have been so absolutely ridiculous at the hospital that I glossed over it until today, or if I feel guilty about it. Regardless, I didn’t want it to go unmarked. It would perhaps have been impossible to […]
A Physical Manifestation Of Pain
Is it me, or do things hurt worse and cut much deeper as an adult than they did when we were children? I wonder if it has to do with our years of experience. The longer we’re alive, the more change messes with us, and we therefore feel losses so much more than if we […]
The Tao of Mourning
My husband tells me I can be a very foolish gweilo sometimes. Frequently. Almost all of the time, really. I suspect I share a viewpoint with my recently deceased friend, Roger Margason (aka Dorien Grey), that life ought to be one way, though it frequently decides to do as it damn well pleases and without […]
The Three Year Marathon That Wasn’t
It was about this time three years ago when my father-in-law really started having issues with his health. It began with surgery on an impacted vertebrae in his back, escalated to a diagnosis of cancer, the search for where the cancer spread from, a tumor at the bottom of his spine that left him in […]
In Memory of Roger Margason / Dorien Grey
We all have our own unique way of grieving and our hopes of how those will grieve for us one day. Roger Margason, or Dorien Grey (his author pseudonym), passed away yesterday after complications during a procedure on Friday that left his life in the balance for two days. This was unexpected. This was tragic. […]
Death and Those Other Pesky Signs of Mortality
I had a dream last week that woke me up in a cold sweat. In it, I was driving in a car with my brother-in-law and father-in-law, which is already slightly morbid since FIL has been gone now since March. We were all sad and talking about how my husband had just passed away a […]
Wanted: Outback Steakhouse in the Afterlife
I’m not a good patient. Never have been and never will be. I used to find more reasons to get out of bed while sick when I was growing up than my mother did for reasons why I should stay in it. Ironically, when I wanted to stay in bed is exactly the time she […]
A Voice in the Present Becomes a Voice in the Past
“And how we face death is at least as important as how we face life, wouldn’t you say?” (James T. Kirk) I was perhaps twelve the last time I saw someone suffering and close to death. I didn’t understand it from a personal aspect, only technically that my grandfather was hallucinating most of the day […]
The Beautiful Lie (Or How To Get A White Guy To Shut Up)
Ever wonder how we’d live our lives if we knew from very early on everything we know now? Admit it. We’ve all thought about it. “I’d have gone to see this…I’ve have gone to do that…I’d have spent more time with this person…I’d have slept with all these people before they got old and ugly…I’d […]
The Power of Maybe
My guy told me more than once after we started going out that he would be surprised if he lived past 30 years old. He couldn’t explain it, there was no rational explanation for it and I think he actually believed it. It really freaked me out when he’d say that. This is an odd […]
