Three Things…Including The Hong Kong Grandmother’s Arrival
Posted on October 27, 2016
Okay, I DID finish cleaning the house and got it in impeccable order. This is one of the few times I’ll give myself a pat on the back for making the place look really good. The hubby sorted and gutted all the crap that had been sitting out for three years I couldn’t do anything with (because it was his), and then I did the 6-day deep clean. 6 friggin’ days. Finally, before I picked him, Grandma, and my mother-in-law up Tuesday evening, I sat down for the first time in weeks and watched a movie; Phantasm: Ravager.
I mentioned the Phantasm series in a previous blog post because it’s one of the ones that has stayed with me since I saw the first film on VHS so many years ago. Ravager is more than likely the final film since actor Angus Scrimm passed away earlier this year. Fans have been searching for answers to the plot of the series for decades, and Ravager finally offers one. If you’ve never watched any of the films, don’t start with this one. You won’t quite grasp it.
Sadly, it’s very easy for the casual viewer to dismiss Phantasm: Ravager as incoherent, offering more questions than it answers, and not worth their time. I’m not one of these people. Obviously, the biggest hindrance—and this is no secret—is the film’s budget. If you can get past it, what is presented is indeed a valentine to the fans. The filmmakers did the best they could, threw caution to the wind, budget be damned, and said “Here’s to the continuing adventures!” And you know what? It works. It took 7 years of understanding Alzheimer’s to understand what they went for, but I get it. And it works. It is, in a way, even kind of beautiful.
So, on to Grandma.
I tracked their flight and it’s a good thing I did since they landed half an hour early. There’s nothing worse than having to stand around waiting for your ride after an international flight, no matter how many flying monkeys you brought along for companionship…or protection. I pulled up, Ralph and his mother came out with the luggage, we loaded the back end up with it, then they went in and escorted Grandma out to the warm, waiting vehicle.
She looked in my direction, smiled, and asked my husband: “Who is your friend picking us…” Then her face dropped. “Why is he still alive?”
And so it began.
We no sooner got on the freeway when Ralph started ticking off his mental list of things I needed to have prepared; “Bedrooms dusted…place vacuumed…carpets rinsed…hooks hung…outdoor light hung…shelves cut and installed…house moved a little to the left…lettuce…”
Lettuce? Grandma wants lettuce with her dinner. I picked up some nice cut greens for her, but no lettuce. Greens will not suffice, so we make a quick stop at Kroger and get some lettuce. Grandma thinks she’s somehow become a rabbit now…or something equally cute and cuddly. She’s not. We arrive home, I boil some water, and prepare her a nice cup of Lipton, her tea of choice. If a restaurant doesn’t have Lipton, she won’t drink it. If we don’t have Lipton at home, she won’t drink it. I give her Lipton.
“I want Chinese tea.”
I dump the Lipton and my mother-in-law chooses some Chinese tea to steep. Unfortunately, she puts a little too much loose tea in the teapot, and Grandma is wired. W.I.R.E.D. We all watch as She-Who-Casts-No-Reflection announces she’s going downstairs for her shower, then to inspect her room and the rest of the house. I look at my husband, he looks at his mother, and his mother sighs.
“I’ll be right back.”
Grandma is having a bit of post-international flight phlegm issues in her throat after the shower, so my mother-in-law offers up something that will help; Benadryl. Grandma slept for 12 hours…and it was bliss. Bliss I tell you. Bliss.
And we’re now trying to figure out how we’ll spend her two weeks here.
Pray for us. Because if you don’t and she gets out, you’ll be asking us to pray for you!
Kristoffer Gair (who formerly wrote under the pseudonym Kage Alan) is the Detroit-based author of Honor Unbound, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. The Lord Of The Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, several short stories featured in anthologies (to be combined in a forthcoming book), the recently re-published novella Falling Awake, its sequel, Falling Awake II: Revenant and Falling Awake III: Requiem.